SpiritualAwakening

Christy  

We are back. It's a witch, a mystic and a feminist. And we're back. We are already three episodes deep into our new season and the new year. And I have to say we kind of kicked that off with a bang with our series with the salty. Yeah. Hopefully we'll be able to top that this season. But if we don't, I'm good with that. An awesome series. That's all I can say. But we're also back after a break from recording. So we're all finally back together and in the studio or in our own studios at home. So yeah, it feels good to be back. I missed.

Jamie  

I know, it feels like we haven't seen each other forever.

Christy  

I know. I it was a good break. But like I did start missing our whole platform. I really did like, and then I got kind of out of sync and with the holidays. And so it just feels good to be back. And I know we all kind of had to kit reuse to our stuff.

Jamie  

Today and apparently time timestamps I don't know. I didn't write down the right time. Yeah,

Christy  

timestamp and yet, just bumps in the road. We'll get back on the groove. Sure. Well,

Marlena  

what a lot of the listeners don't know. So the salty twins episodes, we actually recorded those back in November. So we haven't been recording since November. And so I feel like a lot has gone on since then. You know, Jamie, what's been going on with you? Oh,

Jamie  

well, the holidays. Were a blur. I think this the beginning of the year has been crazier than like, just the holidays in general. But things are good. We're just my husband and I are both very busy with work and the kids and while we decided to kick off hole 30 This month, so not only is it full 30 month is that means dry january MONTH. So yeah, it's the it's day six for us. And I think we're at the angry phase where we just look at stuff. Yeah, that we can't Yeah, I was gonna

Christy  

say more.

Jamie  

We've done this. It is hard. And we've done this twice before. And of course, you know, he's the guy that just exercises once during this month and changes his eating habits and drops, like 30 pounds, and I'll probably lose like five. But that's not the point. But anyways, it's a great program. It is hard. It's dry. January it's yeah, these six days have been going by very, very slowly. So only 24 more to go. Out you need to stay down. So bear with me podcast land. I'm gonna be on on the Yeah, that's not a good day. That's just not a good day. That's why having a water bottle you can do I can do this. I can do this. But yeah,

Marlena  

we'll keep checking in with you see how January's going.

Jamie  

Yeah, so that's my month so far.

Marlena  

Fantastic.

Christy  

I did not make any resolutions this year. Normally I do but then I saw something that my lovely friend posted about why would you make intentions in the middle of winter? When everything is hibernating? What are you doing? You dumb bitch. I'm just kidding. But I was like, No, yeah, I was like, That makes a lot of sense. Like maybe I was like, I don't need to make relations now. And so you know, just kind of said I want more of everything that I had last year and more of joy and which is so been good. Going into new year has kind of been who I am. But I did start therapy in the time that we were off. And so that has been amazing. You guys are looking for therapy and I'm this is not sponsored. It's just plug because so far I love them better help has been great. And so yeah, we'll see what happens. It's I don't want to go most of the time. Like the first day. I was like, here's therapy. I'm so excited. The second week, yeah, the second week and like, yeah, okay, and third week of my

Jamie  

therapy, too.

Christy  

But I want

Marlena  

to talk about what's wrong with me. Yeah,

Christy  

exactly. And like my therapist, so far, we're getting along fine, but she'll go like this. Like she'll like put her fingertips together and she'll be like, we're gonna dive into that. Dammit, I'm like, stop it. So I'm like knowing her tells now like when to shift. And I'm like, Okay, fine. But yes, so that is something that I'm doing for the new year and you know, getting healthy and working through Michelle. Yeah.

Marlena  

Oh, good. Yeah, I know for me like the beginning anytime I meet with a new therapist. cuz I'm like, you know, trying to tell them what I think they want to hear. How do I not sound so crazy? And then they're like, nah. Like you are batshit crazy. Just, let's go. Let's get into it.

Christy  

My first, my first appointment was like that I just had like verbal diarrhea. I basically over shared, which I do a lot, but I over shared, and then I'm like, so I think that's it. You're wondering. She's like taking notes like furiously writing everything down. And she's like, well, there's a lot of different things we're gonna wanna unpack. And I'm like, really? Because I think I'm good now. Just like, Okay, I'm like, okay, she's like, No, you're good. But like, there's things we're gonna want to like, you know, talk about. Dammit. Okay, fine.

Jamie  

You open Pandora's box. Now. Did now it's there. Well, good. That's

Marlena  

awesome. I'm glad that you're doing what you need to do for you.

Christy  

Thank you. Thank you. And what about you, Elaine? How was your break?

Marlena  

It was it was great. Actually. Vince and I, we we renewed our vows so and so it was super funny because you're during our games episode. When my mom asked the question, would you rather no one show up for your wedding or no one show up for for your funeral? Yes, Vince and I had already planned on renewing our vows. And we were doing an elopement style. So we told nobody. So like during that and I had that smirk on my face and just kind of giggled and everything I know it's like, you know, I just wanted to elope like I already had it in my head. Like we already knew we were going up and and elope vow renewal. Oh, fine. Oh, renewing a low eloping fat vow renewals? I don't know. We were doing that. Yes. So we did that. And I have to say we are like really back in the honeymoon stage where you're just constantly missing each other wanting to be together and everything. And then this, just this past weekend, I was with the salty twins. And so I left him for like five days. And because I had worked a couple of days before, and then I was with my cousins over the weekend. And I was just like, I found myself just constantly talking about him. You know, luckily, they you know, the guys love him. And so it was God,

Jamie  

gonna diary? Yes.

Marlena  

So we did that. And yeah, that was like the big thing, you know, started planning trips for for this year. So going back to Sedona in May, with my mom. So I'm excited about that. And then we're going to Thailand in July. So Vince and I are going to Thailand. We have not all but yeah, so like, I'm just excited for this year. And I too did not make any resolutions again, because, you know, still in hibernation. I am thinking of what my intentions for the year are. But not really putting action towards it just kind of still in hermit mode, I guess. Yeah. And then, you know, we'll really start working towards those goals. More towards spring. So yeah, that's kind of where I've been at. But yeah, the last few months have been kind of cool for me, I'd like to do too. But I've missed recording I've missed like seeing your guys's faces every, you know, every week and chatted a lot. And we saw each other over the break and stuff like that. We actually the three of us were together. All the four of us. My mom was there too. So, you know, we were all together. And that was fantastic. And we also have to have a reunion in Vegas. I think this year.

Jamie  

Yay. That's why I don't go red Rock. Yes,

Marlena  

I love that. I love that.

Christy  

In March, we're talking about not too hot, not too cold.

Jamie  

Right, the march in May, you're pretty safe and then hit summer and then we're screwed for another three months. You're like yeah.

Marlena  

Very cool. Well, you know, we are back. This week, we are talking about spiritual awakenings. I know that we've talked about this, or we've mentioned it in our previous episodes last season. And so kind of really wanted to get more into what is the spiritual awakening? You know, and what are some of the stages of it? You know, some people know what it is some people don't. So yeah, that's what we're talking about today. And I

Christy  

kind of back to basics, right? Yeah, this whole thing kind of got started. I mean, after we all kind of went through our own things and right came together, so I like it. Yeah, too. And yes, I guess we're all on

Jamie  

this journey at the same time, which is there's no such thing as a coincidence, so I'm not gonna say coincidental this this It was meant to be so yes, this

Marlena  

was a synchronicity.

Jamie  

City very go

Marlena  

to city. The word of the day. Yeah, exactly. So spiritual awakening, some people may call it a midlife crisis

Christy  

went through one, I was not in midlife, so you can go through them at any point in time, right? Yeah,

Marlena  

really you can. And here's the other thing, you go through them multiple times. But a spiritual awakening is basically waking up with a new perspective. I, for me, I was just questioning everything that was going on in my life, what was going on in the world in general, things were not no longer aligning with me. And so I was questioning just everything around me. And what is the purpose of life and and, you know, wanting to also have that, that connection with God or with the divine? is what I was searching for. Searching for? Just that connection with, with a higher power. Right? And, you know, for me, that's the universe and source. There's God, you name it what you want.

Christy  

Yeah, I was just gonna say, you can take on whatever name you you decide, it is right. For some people, it is universal. For some people, it is God or another spiritual, higher beam. Yeah, it can be anything. So yeah.

Marlena  

And so then a lot of it is also breaking down the ego, basically killing off your ego, and seeing, seeing the world for what it really is seeing what life for what it really is, and, you know, in search of true happiness, so not necessarily materialistic things, you know, kind of wanting to get away from the money, the wanting to be famous, or tick tock famous, or whatever it is, you know, that you're looking for the popularity, whatever, pushing that aside, and finding what what truly makes you happy, what truly brings you joy, and also trying to find your purpose in life. And I think that a lot of people when they start their spiritual awakening, and again, you can have multiple, you know, it's trying to trying to find that purpose. Why am I here? What am I meant to do? What is my mission? And so, that really is what a spiritual awakening is. And so a lot of people, you you see them, or you talk to them, and they're like, you know, going through this midlife crisis, really, it is just, it's an awakening.

Christy  

Yeah, yeah. And I think the timing of that sometimes happens because you're going through traditional, you know, you get married, you have kids, you have a family, you're, you're kind of running, running, running, right, your focus is maybe not on you, your focus isn't on your beliefs, your focus is on your family or, or your career or whatnot. And then you get to a point, and most of the time, it's midlife. That's when we start killing the ego. But you get to midlife and you're able to kind of slow down a little bit or be like, what have I been doing? Like, why is this all it is right? Like, am I just running in a rat race for the rest of my life? This, you know? Yep. And there's got to be more

Marlena  

to life than right. There's

Jamie  

gotta be gotta be more.

Christy  

Right? Absolutely. Yeah. And then, you know, there's obviously there's other circumstances that can happen to cause this, but I've seen so many people midlife right now. I'm midlife right now. But just kind of be like, what? Like, I don't want to do this mundane. Bullshit for the rest of my life. Right? Yeah. What else is there? Right?

Jamie  

There's just got to be something. There's actually a song. I think it's by sugar lamb. It's got to be something more. There's just got to be something more than this. And that song always, like, just gets me but in discussing that, yeah. And there's many ways to come to this awakening this moment where you just things start snowballing. I know that was for me. I mean, it could be something as a death in the family, a sudden change or shift in your life, maybe you lost a job. I mean, there's a lot of different reasonings to come to this. This all like okay, there's something more I gotta figure this out. I know, for me, when I think back on it now, I think it really started with the death of my job. When I got let go. From the 20 years, I was with one company, and losing that, I think, started the erosion of my ego. Because I identify so much with my job and my career and what I was doing so losing that kind of had the perspective open of, there's got to be more, there's got to be something else other than this, this is happening for a reason. I can't just believe that, you know, just bad luck or whatever. This is happening for a reason. So that kind of started my aha moment. And then it rolled really into losing Ling Su, my mother in law, I think that was the catalyst that was just like, okay, life is too damn short. It's time. It's time. So I know for me, it was a combination of the few things. And that's been going on now for close to three years. Yeah,

Christy  

I know, Lane, you said that. Yours kind of started during when we went into quarantine, right, like, right COVID happened. So for

Marlena  

me, you know, and I know, I've mentioned this before, you know, a bunch of things were happening. They were taking place within my family, then the Shelter in Place hit. And it was just like, okay, hold on. That was when I was able to kind of pause everything and be like, what has been going on? And what can I do to change this? Because there's got to be more than just this. You know, and that's when I started really deep diving into the questioning of everything around me. And then how do I fix it within me? Basically,

Jamie  

because what can we control? Right? Those are the that I can control my emotions, how I react, what I'm doing with myself. So when you start feeling those voids, or those questions start surfacing? Yeah, it's time to explore.

Marlena  

Yeah. And Christy, when did you begin your time?

Christy  

So I'll say the first time when I started questioning my Christian faith that I was brought up in, right, so I kind of had a spiritual awakening was after trauma, definitely. And so it was after I was sexually assaulted, and went to my community, which was the church at the time. And basically, they got told to pray harder. And that God would not give me more than I could handle. Right. So those were their answers. And I'm like, that's not good enough. Like, what is that? That is not okay. I mean, I want to say years of just like, basically being in a void, kind of trying to just figure it out and really wondering, okay, well, if I walk away from all this, where am I walking to? Where am I going?

Jamie  

What am I? What you know, right? Yeah.

Christy  

And I'm just gonna walk into the absence of spirituality. And, and so before, so then all of this kind of just happened and spiraled, but then, you know, it was a, okay, I can't just walk into the absence of spirituality. It was, I believe, in my spiritual I have faith in the divine in the universe. I know, there's more. And so then, you know, it was just like this voracious, like, Okay, I need to get my hands on the books and all the things and like, I need to read about Buddhism, and I need to read about Wiccan and I anything, and everything I could get my hands on. And at the time, I worked at a bookstore. So it was very convenient.

Jamie  

Right, I remember.

Christy  

So yeah, so that was my first spiritual awakening. And then their most recent one did happen in line with COVID. And it didn't happen in line with a shelter in place. Because it was, if we're gonna go through this pandemic, if all these people are dying, if, if our world has changed for ever, right, then what have I been doing this whole time focusing on all this trivial shit, right? Or this consumerism? Or, you know, just all of that, like, what do I need to focus on now? And what do I want to focus on now to make my life richer, because there obviously life is fleeting, and things can change in an instant, you know, so. And that was what I was most most hit by, and then kind of just had the time during the shelter in place, and during COVID to really start deep diving, and spending time with myself before I busied myself with all the things right, like, the world is open, let's go do all the things. But the world was closed. So I had the time and I devoted the time. And I'm better for it. But it definitely was a little bumpy. In the beginning. I was like, I don't want to do this.

Marlena  

I think a lot of people when they start a spiritual awakening, and you know, and really, once they've realized that going within is how you make it to the other end to the other side. You know, it's it's a fight, man. Yeah, it's a fight because I know for me, I was like, I don't even like myself. Like, why do I want to be with myself? So it's just like, why? Yeah, this sucks. Yeah. And it's like, oh, and now you want me to think about like all the things that have gone on in my life and try I can heal myself from this and, you know, or go to therapy and heal from whatever it is that been bothering me all these years that, you know, I was three years old and this happened and it's like, Why do I want to dig all of this? Can I just can I just suppress it, please?

Christy  

It's been so lovely in that little box over there. Yeah, just keep it in that box sealed up. That'd be great. Like, yeah, it's just there. I know. It's there. But we don't want to open it. Yeah.

Marlena  

Yeah, yeah. So you know, spiritual awakenings are fun. Yeah.

Jamie  

And there's so different for everyone. They're so different for everyone. They

Marlena  

100% are different, you know. And here's the other thing, some people have their awakenings and it's completely spontaneous. There was no trauma, there was no you know, trigger, there was no death, there was no illness, there was no pandemic, it just, it just happened, right. Yeah. So really, it is different for everyone. So we've discussed a little bit about spiritual awakenings are and what it is, but there's stages. And you know, as humans, we are like, okay, everything has a specific stage, and everything has a specific time. And, you know, everything is linear. And these are nonlinear. So there's a number of different stages. But keep in mind that a lot of times you can jump from stage to stage or jump from one stage to another stage, back to another stage. But we'll kind of go into the stage. I didn't even know the stage. Yeah. And it's so funny, because you, okay, so the fact that you didn't know that, but you were like sitting there talking about, like different stages that you can, these stages are not linear. You can go from the first stage to the fourth stage to the second stage to the back to the fourth stage. Kind of them. It's like grief.

Jamie  

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah, absolutely.

Christy  

It's not linear. Yes.

Marlena  

100%. Yeah. So true. And I say that, but at the same time, there is a first

Jamie  

with that said, stage one.

Marlena  

You know, but that's waking up from the Matrix. Yeah, it's the catalyst. It's what's been triggering this. And so then you start disassociating yourself from life. You start questioning everything. You know, we you start questioning your religion, Christy, you start questioning, what more is there? Like Jamie was saying, so you're yearning for more purpose in life? What is my purpose? What am I supposed to do? Why the fuck am I here? Is this it? Yeah. You know, so really, that's the first stage and then it goes into everything else.

Jamie  

So you have to have your aha moment. Yeah. Ah, yeah. Yeah, you have to have that. And then that's everything else. Yeah. And

Marlena  

then there's other stages, one of them being the dark night of the soul. And a lot of people call it that. And what that really is, is a shift in perspective. So again, the death of the ego. For me, I have always been very materialistic. And I thought the way to impress people is to have nice cars and nice bags, and this sudden, whatever. Oh, and kind of realizing like, why am I spending all this money on this? That's fucking dumb. You know? And for me, and for me, personally, I would sit there and be like, this is this isn't for me anymore. Why am I doing this? Stripping away? The old to make room for the new basically is, is yeah, what that is, but you tend to go through depression. You feel lonely, you feel lost? Yeah. You don't want to be around people. But you know, at the same time, you're you are feeling lonely. And you tend to lose interest in in a lot of things that maybe you were interested in before. You know, one of the things for me going out and partying and I'm like, I have no interest in doing that. I just want to sit at home by myself. And read about tarot cards. Yeah. You know, I

Jamie  

don't want to do right eggs. Yeah, yeah.

Marlena  

You know, so you kind of go through that. Did Did either of you go through that stage? Yeah,

Jamie  

for sure. Yeah, I, I again, and I mentioned it earlier, but when I I feel like my awakening started was when I lost my job. And it was truly just, I could feel it really felt like a depression for me. And that was really tough because I've never experienced anything like that. But I in reading these things, and now looking back on it and kind of evaluating like, what was I going through and why? It was that phase it was the slow death of the ego, because I had to start questioning what had been so important in my life for 20 years and it Is it still that important for me? Or can I be happy with maybe a job that isn't as high in the ranks or, you know, less responsibility enabled to give myself more time to focus on other things? So for me, it was very much the slow death of the ego, which I'm still working on, there are still things that come up that I, okay, really do we need to do that are you know, that's how you used to think Come on, we can shift this, still questioning a lot of those things. But that was huge. For me. That was huge. And I could feel it literally dying out, right, as things started getting questioned, and I would start wondering about okay, what is what really is my purpose here? Right, you know, outside of being a mom and, and a wife and a sister and a daughter? What is it and a worker? What is it? So? Yeah, I really felt that that one, that one hit hard for me,

Christy  

for me, it's always really been like the isolation, which is funny, because, like, had I don't know, had I been more open. But this is all like looking back, right? both instances, both times that I've been through the spiritual awakening, like had I just opened my mouth and said to someone, like, Hey, I don't think I belong here anymore. Or this is it? You know, I know, there would have been people around me that would have said the same, like, first time church questioning, you don't question in religion, right? You question and people are like, who she's questioning. Next thing, you know, she's gonna be gone. You know, like, she's gonna be, she'd be a non Christian, she was sinner, like, she's gonna, okay, I kept my space in the church for as long as I could. Um, I would. And I was reminiscing about this the other day, I would, I was part of the church band, and I love to sing. And so that was the only way that I had my own microphone was in this church band. And so I would go to church specifically to sing in church service, and then I would leave, I wouldn't stay. Okay, so this went on for a while until somebody caught on, because I didn't, I didn't want to be there. Like, I was like, No, I don't think churches for me, but I want to sing, right. So. So very self serving, I know. But But I, it was definitely something where I wasn't ready to let go, because that was my community. And those were the people that I had surrounded myself with for so long. Who else is there? Right? And I'm like, there's a whole world out there, Christie. And then this last time, you know, I was feeling very isolated alone, just in my thought process, right? Because my husband is not very spiritual at all. So he's fine. And he listens, and he's supportive. But he doesn't have that same, you know, thing as I do. And so when I finally opened my mouth, Marlena happened to be sitting in the general vicinity. And so I just feel like if we like, I feel like I've had, I've been a lot more open, maybe even in the beginning, there would have been people around me that I'm feeling the same way. Or I'm going through a similar thing, you know, instead of kind of, like gatekeeping it? What I feel like, I don't know if that makes sense.

Jamie  

Yeah. Okay.

Marlena  

It does. But how difficult was it for you to actually come out? Like, when we were having that conversation? We are in a backyard setting with alcohol flowing? And, you know, it's like, how do you feel comfortable having these conversations when you're when you haven't had these conversations before? Because I know, that's where I was. And luckily for me, you know, there's been a few times where I bring something up, and you know, no one's like picking up what I'm putting down and I'm like, I'm just gonna go sit and drink a glass of wine or, you know, shots over here by myself. Yeah, now I'm trashed. And Vince, you got to take me home.

Christy  

Well, that's absolutely. Yeah, that's absolutely true. It was, it was difficult for me to say something, especially, you know, like, I I've always longed for deeper conversations, like, I'm not good at chit chat. Like, I really feel like I suck at it. So and I would rather sit with a couple people and have meaningful deep conversation that like, I mean, overall else, and it doesn't even have to be with wine alcohol, like it doesn't have to be with any substance. It can just be right chillin, you know, on the couch, having a conversation. And so like, I was in that, definitely in that, like, heavy in that phase. And I was like, I just, I don't want to have these surface conversations. I don't want to talk about work. I don't want to talk about like, I want to talk about something meaningful. And but I can't expect these people around me to talk about something meaningful if I'm not willing to talk about something, you know, to like, bring it up. Like I've got to do my part. And if like you were saying, if nobody bites, then okay, I'm by myself over here in this corner. But yeah, so it definitely was urging myself to kind of like okay, well If that's what you want, then you got to make that happen. You got to see if there's anyone around you that can meet you halfway,

Marlena  

right? Okay. Yep. Because I mean, and that stage really is lonely because you kind of feel like, I'm feeling this all myself. And no one else feels this and I am just crazy. I know for me initially, I was just like, I am so crazy right now. I don't even know what's going on. Luckily for me, Vince is spiritual in that sense. And he was like, Dude, you're not crazy. Yeah, he's like, just quit fighting. Yeah,

Jamie  

embrace it. Right. Embrace it. So and it's it is I'm sorry. I was just gonna say I think this is why a lot of people just maybe call it a midlife crisis and really half the time it's a spiritual awakening you're you're trying to go through because it does. It feels like a midlife crisis. You do. And for women, I think we even start questioning Am I pre menopausal? Am I you know, it's like midlife crisis hormones. Yeah, here we go. I must Something must be wrong with me. But that sense sometimes. You just have to embrace it.

Marlena  

Yeah, no, but exactly. It's like, what's wrong with me? You know, luckily, I continued to be like, Okay, maybe it's you. Well, no, I won't say I said it wasn't me. Because there were a lot of things that I didn't like about myself. But I was also like, yeah, there's something wrong with this world though, too. So

Christy  

yeah, well, then as women to like, I find that when you have a midlife crisis, and then all of a sudden you come through the other side, and you're very spiritual. You're very witchy. Or you're, then you're just the crazy midlife. You're just a crazy older woman now like you, and I just like this. Stereotype. Yeah. exists. Yeah, women out there. And I'm like, Well, I don't want to be that either. Like, I just want to be who I am. Like, I don't you know, but if who I am as a crazy which type then whatever, fine. I'm good with that. Now. I'll take it. I'll take Yeah.

Marlena  

Yeah, exactly. You know, so then, there's another stage that we go into, called the sponge. But basically, it's a journey of discovery, where you start, you're not sure what you want. So you start experimenting with different things, you know, to see what resonates with you. That's when I got into tarot cards, that's when I got into crystals. That's when I got into Reiki, that's when I was like, Okay, I want to start doing crystal healing and I want to start doing this and I want to start doing and I just like, you know, you sit there and you start really diving deep into what resonates with me, you know, what makes sense to me? Yeah. And for me being very analytical being like, Okay, why does this make sense to you? So like, why why do tarot cards and my higher self or someone else's Higher Self coming through these cards to give validation? Why does that make sense to me and then I'm like sometimes you just have to have it Yeah.

Jamie  

Yeah, that just embrace it once again, just embrace it and I have to say watching you go through those beginning phases of taro and finding your love for crystals and your passion for this stuff. It has been so exciting to watch and your knowledge I swear this is your thing. Because and we may be going off on a little bit of a tangent here but I have to tell podcast land our little family watching her go through this it was like she was literally stepping into her own you could just see it like you could see it she radiated it and her knowledge of everything cuz she would discovery jump into it full force. I need to read it all I need to know it all. I swear. She told me Oh, that's a bubble ball ball crystal and that one does this Oh, you're not feeling that way. Once you get this one. I'm like, Oh my God. Like you came so now I'm on the outside perspective. It looks like it came so natural. I knows a lot of work for you. And you're still working on it. But you this is you like you radiate? Well,

Marlena  

it's funny because like I said, I was with the salty twins this weekend. And Tony and I we were talking about crystals and it was very much like that. And then Ricky, I busted out my tarot cards, and I was I have not been connected to my tarot cards in the past couple of months. And I've been in a different phase of my, of my awakening, and we'll get into that shortly. But I was trying to do a reading on him. And I'm like asking him, like, Does this resonate with you? And he was like, no, no, I was like, I am not connected with these fucking cards. And I was like, fuck, I think this is a reading for me. And I was like, I'm putting them all.

Christy  

Like, we're gonna connect you with this tarot deck if it kills us like, yeah,

Marlena  

no, yeah. My Travel deck and I really think one of the things I need to do is I need to cleanse them but I was just like, this is not working for me. We just It's gone snowboarding, we were both really tired. But I was like, Yeah, does this resonate with you? And he was like,

Christy  

honestly, not at all. Sorry. It's like a magic trick.

Jamie  

And as Marlene is looking at them, she goes, Wow, they really resonate with reading.

Marlena  

And I don't like what it's saying. So I'm going to have a conversation with Dec later.

Jamie  

We are done.

Marlena  

This is for you know, my knowledge only, please, and thank you. So, okay, but anyway, so yeah, there's the there's this bunch, your journey of discovery. And really, you just try and figure out different things. You know, I know, for me, journaling has become a big part of big part of my life, meditation, and getting, for me getting back into that I just started getting back into that, but, you know, meditation, a big part of my life to be able to get myself still tarot cards, crystals, you know, things like that, that really resonate with me, but also, now I'm like diving deep into try, I'm trying to find other things that resonate with me. So I don't know, we just went on this tangent about me, but it was fun. But Christy, like, I know, you've gotten into meditation. And that was one of the things that we had been discussing. During that. Yeah, one conversation was your meditation?

Christy  

Yeah. I mean, I was gonna say, in my bookstore era, and I mentioned that I just kind of like voraciously, bought a whole bunch of books and read them. I was like, in the religious studies section constantly, and the spiritual section, like, so much, but then Madico and I know, but then I also like, I also was in college at that time, so I took like, a, like a comparative religions, like I was, like, I needed, I think I needed backup, like to leave religion, to like to say that it's okay. Like, you know, your world is not the world is not so small, the world is large, and there's lots of different religions and spiritual thoughts. And, you know, people out there that are still good, and, you know, whatever, you get it, and then and at the time, but like, back then I didn't know anything about meditation, you know, I prayed, which is kind of like meditation can be, but really trying meditation this time around, was very powerful. And I thought it was gonna hate it. And first go out the bat was like, life changing. And since then, I've had, you know, I know I've mentioned to you, ladies before, but I've had like, a couple of metod guided meditations where I've fallen asleep, and that's okay, I've shared okay. I feel like a failure when that happens. Yeah, it's okay. And then a couple that have just, again, been amazing, but also been hard work, right? Like, it's, it's not easy. For me to meditate as somebody is trying to guide me through it, I think is the way that I have to go because me on my own, I'm just like, oh, daydreaming, like, Oh, what about what am I gonna do, and I'll probably write poems in my head. So I just need somebody to guide me. But keep me on track. Like, there's a purpose for this. But you know, I also find like, I meditate when I'm in yoga class, because it's easy to kind of silence and your, the way that you're moving your body and your breath work. And so that's also been a really great place for me to be and using that as meditation because before I use it as exercise in and out then cool, yeah, check it off, right? But when I started using it as meditation I cried in a yoga class because you know, that's what you do. And or at least that's what we do. We do

Jamie  

I cry cuz yo I'm trying to get to that meditative yoga state that you guys are at.

Christy  

But you know, I'm also like, because of Marlena and her like, just passion for all these like, and I don't want to use the witchy things but witchy things right. I have been trying to mystical things. I have been trying to get into that right. So I bought my first tarot deck, mainly because there was rainbows on it. So that's why and then went to a turtle class which was way above my experience level and that's okay, I'm still on in that mode, right because I am very curious and I'm very like, I can't explain everything why would I want to explain everything in this universe? So there's things that can't be explained that I want to experience that I want to you know, like I want to see firsthand because it's cool. It's amazing. So that is just again, I'm not as much of a sponge as Marlena is. That is definitely her niche niche. The cabling, I'm getting my hands and things and Yeah. And it's great. It's fun.

Marlena  

Jamie, do you have any experiences in this in this?

Jamie  

Maybe a little bit? A little bit like I know the

Marlena  

answer to this question, but we'll just ask it anyway.

Jamie  

Yeah, definitely, definitely have my, my deep dive my sponge, I still feel like I have so much to absorb. And I'm slowly working on this journey. But it's it's going for me definitely meditation that started. Maybe it was my first spiritual awakening way back like 1012 years ago, I would say I think I probably Yeah, absolutely. That that was the meditation that really answered a lot of questions for me did a lot for me spiritually. So yes, I would say this is probably my second spiritual awakening, then. And meditation still is something that I love. I still try and practice I'm not very consistent. But I know when I do it, it is it does everything for me. You know, mind, my soul. It just you just feel good. You feel connected. It just, it's amazing. So yes, definitely meditation for me something I really got into dabbled in terror a little bit. Because I was very interested in it. And again, Marlena sparked my interest. And I can kinda, it just takes me a really long time to do it. On myself on myself. lately. For me, something I've been dabbling in, and trying to learn more about is using a pendulum. So I actually broke on my pendulum about three days ago, I had a really, really good experience. But that is another thing that I'm jumping into right now. And I feel like this might

Christy  

say, I think this is your thing. My

Jamie  

thing, so I feel good with it. And it's something I really want to learn more about, and different ways for it to benefit myself and my my spiritual awakening.

Marlena  

That's awesome. But here's the thing. I mean, you will go back and forth through this sponge. Yeah, phase because I learned something. And then I go into another stage of my awakening, and then I go back to this. And then I mean, I just keep bouncing back and forth. I think I will just forever be in with this. Spiritual Awakening. Well, especially

Christy  

if you love money, right? And you're like, open minded, so yeah, just gonna be like, Oh, what's that? Let's learn about that, you know, so it's a curiosity to you gotta keep that? Oh, yeah,

Marlena  

definitely. Yeah, you know, and then another stage, we have the emergence of self. And so this is when you find that the old patterns are actually dissolving. And your true authentic self starts emerging. And then this is also when you start getting glimpses of the mystical, you know, mystical experiences. I know, we've discussed in previous episodes, certain meditations where we've seen things, again, with Tarot readings, or pendulums and asking questions and actually getting those answers, you know, that's kind of within here, and then also not being afraid to tell people Yeah, this is kind of, not kind of who I am, but this is who I am. And this is where I'm at. But at the same time, in this stage of this emergence of self when we're trying to be our authentic selves, and we're like, this is everything that I'm doing. This is also when spiritual bypassing and we're just going to have the good vibes only and we're not going to do any of the deep Diann of the work or anything or spiritual superiority where because I'm doing all this witchy stuff and you don't believe in it, like I'm better than you kind of situation can occur you know, and, and it it happens it happens within any type of in any type of community. Basically, where you have those people that are going to feel like they're better than you or whatever, yes,

Christy  

for that you're better than them because you no longer well speaking from experience in the church, or you're better than them because you don't believe the things that they still believe right that things are right. So you know, you kind of have to break break that down and you know, you're not better you're just different right? Like, right they believe what they believe. You believe what you believe. And that's good for everyone. Like, go right go you but that does you don't have the right to I don't know, lord it over them or to make them feel lesser. Yeah. Because I definitely did go through that when I left the church and, you know, kind of being like, Okay, well, sometimes I feel better than them and sometimes I feel worse. Just depending on what stage I was in But I remember and it wasn't that I would go into the conversation like, I'm so much better than you, but it would come out. And I'm like, what is that? Oh, like, that's gross. You know? Like, I'm not I don't know. Yeah, better, like, I could believe something that's completely untrue at this moment in my life. Right? Yeah. So you just kind of have to watch out for it, you know, for people doing it to you and for you doing this people, because it can leak out a little bit. Absolutely.

Marlena  

So that another stage and I giggled, because this is exactly where I'm at right now. Or this is where I was the last couple months. But this disillusionment and feeling lost again, where you don't feel connected, you're kind of bored with your spiritual practices, even maybe your mentors, your practices stagnant, you're not connecting, you're definitely not aligned, you feel like what you're doing is kind of superficial. So how you were feeling before about like the world, and life and in general, you kind of start going back to that and being like, Okay, this spiritual stuff is crap to you gotta go back and forth, you know, you're just like, What is going on? And I have to say, the last couple of months, that's kind of where I was where I was, I was completely integrating myself back into life. That's kind of where I've been where I just, I haven't been connected, I haven't been aligned. I also wasn't meditating, I was so focused on work or finding a new job, I was so focused on everything else in in the human world. How do I even say this, but, you know, in life, I was so integrated in life that I was pushing aside, my spiritual practices, my rituals, which those in them in itself, bring me joy, and learning about different different practices, brings me joy, when so. But I was completely pushing it away. And then I felt lost again. And then I'm like, Well, why am I not connecting? And it's like, a bitch, because you aren't aligned. And you know, you. It's like, You're not even trying, and you're bored with it. And so one of the things that I've been doing is trying to find other mentors, I have a few workshops that I, that I signed up for, hoping that someone or something will spark an interest again, again, going back to this past weekend with my cousins, Tony and I, we did this guided meditation together, I was telling them how I've been just kind of feeling out of sorts, and not really connected. Would he do a meditation with me, and we were like, outside in the snow, doing this meditation for like, 30 minutes, which, you know, one, we didn't get hypothermia or frostbite. So that was amazing. And that's all. But really, I mean, it was one of the best meditations that I've had in a very, very, very long time. Like, I felt very connected. The conversations that I have with him, are sparking an interest again, where I'm wanting to dive back into meditation, dive back into learning, dive back into working within myself. You know, so that's, but this is, this is basically a stage that I have been in for the past few months. I mean,

Christy  

I think it kind of a crossroads, right. Like, just thinking about my own personal experience, like, you reach the stage again, and you have the you either forge ahead, right into this new thought process, or you go back to your old ways. So right, and then you end up having to do it all over again, I'm not saying that you have to do it all over again, but it can just happen. And so I think, for a lot of people, they do get to a stage and like, Okay, well, maybe the tarot cards and the crystals weren't really working for me. Like maybe that really wasn't what was bringing me joy, but you just identified meditation and all these, all these things bring me joy, right? So I need to continue on. But I think sometimes at this stage, people lose sight of that, or they question that, and then they're like, Oh, well, then I've done or, you know, like, Okay, well, then it wasn't spiritual. I'm not a spiritual person, or I'm not going to be you know, as spiritual as I thought it was going to be alright, whatever. Right? So yeah, yeah, I mean, I guess I definitely went yeah, of like, just kind of like this dog. And then, okay, well, is that it? Like, am I going back to my old self? And I'm like, well, that's no, that's dumb. Like, why would I do that?

Marlena  

And so here's the other thing, you can't unsee what you've already seen. And that's what I've been finding as well is that as I was going back to my former self and former life and reintegrating myself into what says It says as normal. So as I was going back into life and reintegrating myself, I was like, Dude, you can't unsee what you've already seen, you know, what, what is actually there? For me? You know, I know what's there for me, I know what I've seen. I know what, what I've done. Is that really that life? Is that what you want to go back?

Christy  

Because I mean, if you chose that, all those things you saw, you would then put those in a box, and lock those away and ignore them right now. Because I don't think the two can coexist together necessarily, you know, like, you can't go back to the old way, and still know what you know, and seen it seen what you've seen. I think I think you'd be warring against yourself.

Marlena  

Right? Exactly.

Jamie  

I definitely feel like I go in and out of this space a lot. Because I'm not, I'm not consistent. So I don't build up these practices, practices, practices, and then just like, fall off, for whatever reason, this is gonna sound bad, but I almost compare it to a diet or changing your, you know, working out regimen, because you're so excited, and everything is new, and doors are opening and the heavens, it's partying, and the sun's coming and the moon and everything, and it's just so exciting. And it's, you want to know it all. You want to know it all. You just embrace it. And then at some point, you're like, Wow, this is a lot of fucking work. Like, okay, okay, I have to meditate, I have to do these things. And I gotta do this. And I really rather just sleep in this morning. It turns into that battle. For me. And I know, these are good things. For me. I know, these are things that I want. But it's that commitment of making it a habit and making it a regular practice. So my brain switches to oh, do I really need to do this? Do I really need to meal prep tonight? Do I really need to go work out tonight like it? That's where I feel lost, and I start feeling disconnected. And then the emotions come in of this sucks. This sucks, right? Like, I don't want to revert back to old ways and not doing things that make me feel good. And make me feel connected. So for me, I feel like I go in and out of this phase. And some it can be like a strong solid week. And by the weekend. I'm

Christy  

just like the diet. It's just like your diet lay. I mean, when it is that's a perfect analogy. Yeah. You meal prep on Sunday. Yeah. And then your week is bad. As you're meeting all your macros. You're eating all your protein, you're good.

Jamie  

I'm meditating. I'm writing my book,

Christy  

and then the weekend comes and it's like cheat day, and you're just

Jamie  

No, no, anyone.

Marlena  

I choose violence. I'm going back to be enemies.

Jamie  

So that last feeling comes in and out usually by the weekend.

Christy  

That's a great analogy.

Marlena  

No, I think that's a perfect analogy. But then there's also a stage of the deep inner work. And sometimes I know the deep inner work where you dive deep into what traumas do I need to heal? Why am I feeling this way? You know, going in and figuring that out. And whether that's with therapy.

Christy  

That's the stage I'm in. I mean, that right? literally was like, Okay, I've reached you know, this kind of last disconnected stage a little bit. Okay, what do I need to do next? And it was a, okay, I need to dive deeper. I already know that. How am I going to do that? Because there's it's not just therapy, right? There's different ways I know you were going to list them and I rudely interrupted, you

Marlena  

know? What's it rude?

Christy  

But you know, but yeah, for me, I was like, Okay, I think I need to start with therapy, right? There's energy work you can go into you can do meditations. I know really shadow you do shadow work, right, which I haven't, like, dived into at all. But so I chose therapy as like my first like, oh, that's the easiest way I sign up online. They matched me with a therapist, and we're off to the races. So yeah, and that's where I'm at right now because I can't move forward. I can't move past where I'm at if I don't start healing or even identifying you know, some of the things in my life and healing them. So which again, Jamie a lot of work, don't want to do it. I'd rather just like my I

Jamie  

don't want to go to therapy.

Christy  

But you know, in this whole, this whole thing I want to I want to be better. I want to learn more. I want to explore my do more. So I'm going to drag myself there every week.

Marlena  

This is probably some people think that the dark night of the soul is like a tough stage. I think the deep inner work is probably the Ah stage? I mean, really? Yeah. Because I mean, that's when you are facing your demons head on. And you're like, okay, not just what his other people done to cause me trauma. But what what am I doing to myself? And what have I done to myself? And now I have to take accountability for my actions. Yeah. Can I spiritual bypass at this point, please?

Christy  

Yeah, well, I don't want to do the work. But no, you also have to make choices like, am I going to continue this behavior, this pattern of behaviors? Or am I going to make a change? I am conscious of it. Right? So it is my responsibility to to I don't make a change to make the right choice. being held accountable, because

Jamie  

now it's in front of your face, you cannot ignore it anymore

Christy  

in darkness. So you might feel isolated and like alone, but you're not dealing with your deep shit yet. You're just kind of like questioning things a little bit, you know, and then like, you're not, you're not in the deepness of it. Right. So I would agree with you. I think it is the hardest stage. Absolutely. Because there's, I mean, there can be a lot depending on who you are.

Marlena  

Well, I know, there's been a lot for me to unpack a lot of years. So yeah, this stage sucks. Yeah. You know, and that's another thing that I just really want to bring up is, you know, spiritual awakenings, a lot of people do think that it's like, Oh, my God, you know, because, because we go within, and we kind of isolate ourselves from other people, and we go into like hermit mode. And then we come back out. And when we start integrating with life, and it's like, Oh, you're such a positive person, and bla bla bla, bla bla, and it's like, Dude, I had so much work to do. And it was not easy. And, you know, spiritual awakenings are not all rainbows and unicorns. It's like that deep, dark, yes, shitty work, where you're going within yourself, and it sucks. But God, it's just so much better when you come out the other end, or at least, I mean, and I haven't completely come out of the other end, I keep bouncing back and forth between all of these stages. But it is worth it. It is definitely worth it.

Jamie  

Yes, I agree. The work is worth it. Yeah, absolutely. Like your

Christy  

diet. Like, it is worth it. If you can make the change. Yeah. Stick with it.

Jamie  

There are non scale victories. Spiritual Awakening. I'm not such a bitch every day, because when I choose to meditate, I'm not a bitch throughout the whole day, like most days, so there are non skill victories that can be great, you know, pointed out during every single

Christy  

phase. Yeah. So can mean when I make the choice to talk to my kids in a different manner, and tell them that I need them to be quiet because I'm overstimulated by both their voices coming in my ears, and I just need a break. And I don't like make it I'm not mad. I didn't. I don't raise my voice. That is a non scale victory. I that just happened to me yesterday. Very proud of myself. I just turned to them. And I said, I need you guys to be quiet. I'm overstimulated right now. And usually when I get overstimulated, I get angry and frustrated, and I don't want to do that. Okay. That was it. That's all I had to do. Awesome.

Marlena  

You're like, thank you so much.

Christy  

I got so much.

Marlena  

You're my favorite people.

Jamie  

I have definitely found that, of course, like we have all discussed meditation. But even in the sense of mindfulness. For me, that was one of the big things of trying to practice more. being more mindful of my day to day, my actions, the way I'm coming off my community, people around me, gratitude, those, those kinds of things. So that was very important for me, and going through the inner work, as we were talking about, and I have noticed that I'm more still in moments now. Because I've learned to appreciate every single day, and I know going through this awakening for me, I feel like that was a big one for me, I needed to be more mindful of my day to day myself, how I come off to my children at times, and my community, and just that sense of gratitude. So I do find that that practice for me, has really turned such a huge appreciation for moments that would just have escaped that

Marlena  

before and both of you just explained one of the other stages, which is the integration and expansion. You do the work and now you're implementing it, you're practicing it, you know, you're showing up for yourself and you're showing up for others with what you've learned, you know, Oh, and so bringing that into your life, and then all of a sudden, you know, you're happier, your kids are happier, you're not yelling at your kids, it's a more peaceful person to be able to have that. And so for me, again, I've integrated a lot and into my practices and my day to day, I'm definitely not as much of a bitch as I was in the past. And I won't say I'm not a bitch, I'm just saying, I'm not as much of a bitch. But, and really just bringing that into, into my life. But then, you know, I do, again, bounced back and forth in between all of these different stages of discovery, and then of the disillusionment. And sometimes I go back to the dark night of the soul, and I just kind of go through all of these other things. And I mean, it could be, and again, you can have more than one awakening, you know, looking back at my past, I definitely say I could have I just never acknowledged it, because also going through some of these, like talking about, you know, these phases that we've talked about, I know, I've gone through some of these throughout my life, there has been certain things that have happened when Vince and I got back together that triggered some of these phases. So yeah, and I was just like, oh, I may have been having a spiritual awakening of that time, I was just not aware of it, you know, but finally, the universe was like,

Jamie  

here's your site.

Marlena  

So you know, you can have multiple spiritual awakenings. Or you can just be within one spiritual awakening throughout your entire life, because here's the thing about life. And here's the thing about spiritual awakenings, you're never done progressing. You're never done learning, you're never done growing. And for me, I've completely accepted that and I'm like, Okay, I will forever be a work in progress. I will forever learn and grow, I will forever make mistakes. But hopefully I learned from them. There are going to be days where I am very human. And I do choose violence over being a good person. Yeah, going to be days where I'm just like, I choose my villain era. You know, but at the same time, again, you can't unsee what you've already seen. And there's a lot that I know, I've seen that I don't want to go back to. I don't want to go back to that life. Yeah, absolutely. You know, and if people think I'm crazy for my beliefs, and my faith in the universe and the divine, and then I'm batshit crazy. Good for you.

Christy  

I love that. Yeah. For me, I definitely think that, learning that there's no finish line, like, even though so I always say that I might I love learning. I love knowledge. Like, I don't know, I'd be a student for my whole life if I could. But there's never a for like, especially in this instance, there's not a finish line. Right? So there isn't anything that's like, congratulations, you're all healed, and like spiritually amazing. And now you can like teach classes and like, you know, help other like, there's nothing that like comes out with like your good like banners and congratulations. You're now and like, not like, like crossed the finish line out of race? Yeah, here's your metal like, yeah, no, there's anything there. So that's been one of the biggest things for me to just like, you're not running a race here, like you're not trying to finish, like, get to a finish line. You're just in it. And you're just in it, right. And so I get the chance to make it what I want it to be. And for me, like I'm trying to keep the curiosity I'm trying to keep the arm trying to keep all those things going. Because that's how I'm going to continue to grow and learn and change, and not stay stagnant. And so that's my biggest thing is I don't want to be stagnant in this life. Not that I need to be moving 24/7 But you know what I'm talking about. I don't want to be like stuck, you know, in a way or in a routine or in a thought process for too long. So, yeah, so the whole like, you're not there. There's, you might feel like at a place of rest, which I think is which is totally fine. There's going to be obsessive rest and you're like cool. I've done a lot of work. I've put in a lot of work. I've healed a lot. I've grown a lot. Wow, I feel great. So enjoy that time. I'm speaking from experience. I'm trying to tell myself that for next time. Enjoy it. Yeah. Don't feel bad about it. Just be like yeah, I'm here. You're not superior because you got there. You're not late. I mean, it's it's just you, you're just there Cool, good for you. And then know that You're going to hit another stage at some point, whatever that you know, like, you're going to hit something and you're like, Ah, I need to work on that, or, oh, I need to go back to the inner work because I didn't heal that when I was in therapy, or I didn't even know that was something I needed to work on when I was in therapy. And so that's okay. Right. So you can go back and forth. I just, I want people to know that it's okay to just kind of rest for a while and to be good with Zen. And enjoy the healing. And yes, come

Jamie  

a bit. It's okay. Yeah, it's okay to just sit in it for a bit. Yeah. You know, it just just be. I think, for me, something that I really have just recently embraced in my spiritual awakening that I want everyone to make sure they understand is that I really love the fact that there is no, there is no right way to do. There is no ABCD all the way to Z. And once you get to z, then you're good. There is no right way. As we discussed, you go in and out of phases. You may have spiritual awakenings, three, four times, 10 times, maybe once if you're lucky, who knows. But there is no set pattern. I remember walking into a crystal shop that I really felt like I was being I was being destined to go to it's another story, but I think it was more for the lesson. And it took Marlene and Christie to say, We don't like that. And that's not okay. No, because again, in my in my sponge phase, I want to like I really want to find a mentor, I really need to know how to do this. I want the A to Z. And I had this person telling me if I didn't do this, and I didn't do that almost I almost felt like I was back in like, like at the church. Yeah. Like if you don't do this, you don't do that. You're doing it wrong. You're doing it wrong. And I remember like telling you guys this stuff, and oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like, as I was getting overwhelmed, I felt like I'm not doing it right. So just know that whatever your journey is, is your journey. And it can restart, it can stop, it can pause, it can take years, it can take a month, it's your journey. So know that as long as you're doing better for yourself, and that the things you are doing feel right and they feel good. You're on the right track, you're on the right track. And just like Marlena and Christina both said you can't unsee the things you've learned. So it's just this continual, continual journey. That's just it's it is it's hard, but it's worth it. Whatever, whatever path you're on, is the right path. Just don't veer off too long.

Christy  

Come back to us. I mean, and I think that's, that's part of the reason why we are here, because we have all been on like we mentioned, like our first podcast, we're all on separate spiritual journeys that have somehow aligned and we're walking parallel to one another. And that's awesome, because our journeys are very unique. And our awakenings have been very unique. And we've touched on Martinez each and Jamie's nice, like, you know, and I don't know what mine is, but that's okay. So like, you know, but that doesn't mean like, that doesn't mean you can't still be part of the same community. And so that is what we're trying to create here. And not just for those who have had spiritual awakenings, but it might resonate more with them obviously. And we hope that you just come back whenever you choose to. Because we will be here.

Marlena  

We will be here.

Christy  

We will be here. I mean, in some shape or form, we will be here so

yeah, exactly. All right.

Marlena  

I think we want to wrap it up. All right.

Christy  

Well, with that we're done. We will wrap it up. I really enjoyed this episode. Like I said in the beginning. I feel like it brought us back to the beginning of it all and how it all kind of took shape. So I'm really glad that we were able to kind of go more a little more in depth not just in our spiritual journeys, but just in general and what they encompass. So thank you as always for listening. We will be back next Tuesday. Tuesday not stay with another episode in Season Two of a witch, a mystic and a feminist. Thank you guys