From Tragedy to Purpose with The Salty Twins (Part 2)

Marlena  00:10

So why don't we start going into from tragedy to purpose. And, Tony, when we were discussing this previously, the five of us, well, actually, the six of us mom was a mom was there to, um, you know, you were talking about from tragedy to purpose. And I love that because you guys have been through so much, including your deployment and being out in Iraq, and the things that you've seen and dealing with that and then trying to find ways of healing and therapy, but like, what types of healing? Have you been going through? Have you gone to therapy? Or has it been more like spiritual healing, aside from spearfishing? And we'll definitely go into that, because that's so awesome.

Tony  00:55

Yeah, that's a great, that's a really, really great question. Marlena. During all of this, the one thing that was missing, and this is a huge issue in this world, is, we never had therapy, we never had someone to go talk to. And, you know, we're 16 1718 years old, 19 years old, going through this, trying to figure out how to be an adult, how to take care of ourselves how to, you know, start our adult lives while processing all this tragedy. And we didn't have the therapist to talk to you. And so after joining the military mom passes away, I go to basic training, I come back, I knew I needed to figure out a way, you know, figure out a way how to fix my mindset, how to be able to work through all this stuff, because she got sick when I was 16. And she passed away when I was 21. And I didn't go see a therapist until I was almost 2223. And I didn't, I had never spoken to someone before, you know. So I go to therapists, and I'm kind of talking with them. And we don't click, and so I stopped. And I'm, you know, slowly reading books or doing different things, and I'm still in this mentality of, you know, I want to go serve, I always wanted to be a Navy SEAL growing up. And unfortunately, I had some knee issues, to where I got denied contracts. And I had to join the National Guard out here in Vegas and a non combat MOS. So I was communications, which opened up a different door to other problems. And so this is, you know, my early 20s is when I really tried seeking out different ways to heal. And then it wasn't until I came back from Iraq. So I found out I was going to Iraq, super pumped, went overseas. And, you know, thank God, I wasn't in a combat situation. But when we were on base, I dealt with a lot of drone droppings and a lot of civilian casualties. And I was in this mentality of, you know, wanting to serve, I always wanted to be a Navy SEAL. And the reason why I wanted to be a Navy Seal is, you know, they're the best of the best, they're, they're able to push themselves and have a certain mentality to where physical limitations don't exist. And I had this mentality, it's probably being a middle child. And being raised, you know, around to other brothers very physical. So we wrestled, you know, putting holes in the wall grown up. And so that, that was another really hard thing to overcome to is basically not getting the opportunity to, to be special forces, you know, that was a dream of mine. And so, multiple things were happening during this time. Also, when my mom was sick, and she passed away, I I cheated on my high school sweetheart, and that ruin that relationship. And so I was still, you know, trying to heal from that. And again, this is where hurting people or other people, it's all about your own self image. You know, you only give what you what you have, you only can pour from the cup, you only can pour the liquid of, of what's in the cup that you are, if that makes sense. You know, if you're a water bottle and you have clear freshwater boom, you're pouring it into other people. You know, you're giving that if you have muddy water and you're trying to pour clear water and give value to other people, it's not gonna work so you got to work internally, but so found out I was going to Iraq and super pumped and I get deployed. And after a little while, you know, You're in a high stress environment worrying about V bids were there vehicle borne IEDs. So them driving into the gate, or on base. That was pretty stressful. And then where I was, I was down in Kuwait. And I was in an environment that handled the entire operation overseas. So in Syria, in Iraq and Afghanistan, other places, and we were working with other nations as well. And so I was specialists at the time. So just a lower rank, and I was around generals, I was around high colonel, so this high stress environment, and on top of it, you know, we were doing drone droppings all the time. So since I'm communications, I handled the network, I handle, you know, different things. And I'm watching this, so I'm a part of it. And I'm basically helping set up and maintain the connection to make this happen. And being in that environment, we're pumped, you know, cool, you know, we we got some terrorists. And then I was up in Iraq in this happen, I came back, and I'm sorry, give me a sec, not take your time. Take your time.

06:28

So knowing me,

Tony  06:30

I do a lot of research, I'm very analytical. And I need to know how things work. And so I had to figure out what was the true cause of me and us being over there? You know, during the time when I was in Iraq, we were pushing out ISIS from azul. So we were supporting the Iraqi army, the Iraqi army was pushing through muzzle, and we were, you know, basically doing drops. And I started doing some research and found out that just in Missouri, or during the time that I was there. The US Army killed over 3000 civilians. And this has got to be the hardest thing that I deal with today. Because I look at Ricky, and his wife and his daughter, and I look at JJ and his wife, and their two kids. And there's private companies that track this information, and they will show you or explain to you who died, how they died. And it's grandma's it's infants, it's kids, they'll tell you, yeah, you know, a bomb, dropped and killed, maimed, the husband killed the wife, their son, and they have a three year old daughter that survived. And now they have to live a life of, you know, tragedy of overcoming it. And this is where I think the I know, the world just simply needs love, you know, and we're making, we're in a time period in earth and in the universe where there is this transition happening. It for us, we need to stop thinking for a lifetime. We need to stop thinking about just ourselves. If we look at a couple of 100 years or 1000 years, there's this transition that's going from hate from selfishness from you know, just focusing on ourselves to love, compassion, enlightenment, and how do you reach that you got to look internally, you know, I was in a place from experiencing all this to where I cut myself. You know, I've told a handful people, I used to get drunk 567 times a week. I used to wake up and get a mason jar full of Jack and Coke and pound it and that was my morning. You know, I used to look and look in the mirror and punch myself and just, you know, talking, talking nonsense, to be honest. But it's all this bottled up pain, and I didn't have an out outreach. I didn't have a resource to be able to work through this. I had to find it myself. And so I just started self developing. You know, I I chewed tobacco for 15 years. No 10 years at this point, little over 10 years, and I completely stopped cold turkey. I turned off all social media. for two or three years, stop playing video games stop, snowboarding stopped everything. And I just self developed, I was finding books, I was writing down the, you know, the top 510 things that I wanted to work on and then finding people that were successful in those areas. And I started just retaining all this information. And the first couple years, nothing happened. You know, I was slowly feeling better, but most of the time it was putting on, you know, a fake mask, right, a mask that smiling on the outside, but internally, I still had all these issues to deal with. And then I found marijuana. So this is a huge thing that I, I'm really, really supportive of. And I think it's really important, you know, for kids to understand, to try not to indulge in this in your adolescent years. Because your brain is still growing, it's still changing and certain chemicals, everything you consume affects your body. You are what you eat. You are what you consume. And so if, you know I didn't really smoke growing up, because I used to get anxiety and then I, I didn't want to disappoint my to be honest. But Ricky, man, he was good.

Ricky  11:30

I got a story to tell it. Like a bamboo stick and an apple. Yeah. Yeah, that

Tony  11:38

was one of the first times I did I got Tony, I got no,

Ricky  11:43

I got I broke a bamboo stick at my mom's house. And we grabbed an apple and I took Tony down to the wash and made a hole in the top of the Apple made pipe and got totally

11:57

like a wizard pipe with an apple.

12:02

like Gandalf. My wisdom came.

Jamie  12:11

He was and then

Ricky  12:12

Yeah, mom was like, what's going on? Like, I think I talked to Richard about this a year ago. And the bamboo stick was broken. They never did.

Tony  12:22

She does. Yeah, she does. And yeah, I found marijuana and, and first, I started using it to sleep because I when I was overseas, I was smoking cigarettes, I was chewing tobacco, I was drinking monster and I go through a full thing of coffee a day. So that's hundreds of milligrams of caffeine, right. And then I would take melatonin to sleep. And so by the end of deployment, I'm consuming all this caffeine, and then I'm taking, you know, 1015 milligrams of melatonin at night. And so when I came back home, I could not sleep, I had social anxiety. I went to Joe, Joe and Ashley, which are my cousin's wedding. And during the wedding, during the reception, literally, I was telling Ricky and Jay and other people that we were there, we drove out to California. I told him I was like, I gotta go, you know, I can't do this, you know, I and saying all this

Ricky  13:19

even while we're driving on the freeway, right? Yeah, you didn't try for like the first three months or whatever, because every time you drove, you were like, like, looking around, like something was gonna attack. Yeah.

Tony  13:30

And, and this is without shooting a weapon overseas. This is without being shot at overseas. Now, there are some mortars, you know, alarms going off. But I could not imagine what the people that have to deal with firefights and have to deal with their buddies. You know, getting injured or blown up next to them. And this is simply from the stress of being overseas and the effects of being a part of, you know, killing terrorists and destroying the livelihood of civilians. But I came back, and I started taking edibles to sleep, and it changed my life. Now, what I do is I have different strains, and I use them for different things. So me, I can sleep pretty well. Now, I don't have social anxiety anymore. I have my own days, but it's not as bad as it used to be. And now I meditate. So I'll smoke and I dive into my mind and I meditate and I'm basically what marijuana from my perception what marijuana does, is it gives you a third person perspective of your thoughts. We have 70,000 thoughts a day. And those 70,000 thoughts and how many of those are, you know, subconscious thoughts that you don't even recognize? Right I, where all of a sudden, have you ever been in a really positive mood, and then you're driving or you do something, and an hour later, you're like, pissed off, and you don't know how you got there. What's those thoughts? Right, and so I started using marijuana to be able to work through those thoughts, to be able to focus on him. Um, so I did that. And then. So meditation has been a huge thing in my life, it's a game changer, if you could ever do it, it's like, being in control of daydreaming is kind of the that's how I do it. Like if if you enjoy dreaming at night while you're sleeping, and you enjoy daydreaming, then just, you know, take some time to daydream internally with your life experiences. And then, earlier this year, we found a shaman up in northern Utah to do a spiritual retreat with psilocybin with mushrooms. And I went up there to be able to work through some of the stuff in my life. And coming out of it. It was like I had a clean slate. Basically, how I put it is imagine, you know, a snow slope, the side of a mountain, and you have all these skiers, all these sweaters or snowboarders creating these grooves in the mountain. Those are your thoughts over time. And what psilocybin did was basically come and dump fresh powder over the side of the mountain. So now I'm in control of my thoughts. I can choose what path I want to pursue with my own thoughts. And from there, it changed changed me dramatically in such a positive way. I think the entire world should all get together. And we all take mushrooms together.

Marlena  16:56

I'm down for that.

Ricky  17:00

What's happening in the mountains Oh, yeah, what the beautiful snow off.

Tony  17:10

Yeah. And so you know, now I, I've taken mushrooms twice. Both of them have been phenomenal, them phenomenal experiences for me. And I'm also learning how to do different things like that without substance. So through deep meditation through certain breathing techniques, through Reiki through, you know, things like that, and it's possible. Psilocybin is basically kind of the quick way to do it. And so, those are the therapeutic things that I do. I have a therapist that I talked to both one that I've met in Costa Rica. And so I talked to her and we do different breathing techniques and meditation, and then I have an actual therapist where I go and speak on that. Okay, yeah, so you're just out in Costa Rica. Wait, you gotta raise your hand. Yeah, correct.

Ricky  18:05

Don't forget, okay. Do my best to do my duty to God. And we're both Eagle Scouts, by the way. Oh, yeah. My dad don't know how that happened. I got it three days after my 18th birthday. And you supposed to get it before your 18th birthday. But that's how everything but ya know, so. So after the journey that we went on, which was super cool. By the way, it was very ancient, my end. You know, shadows and drums, like, she would play drums and stuff that the shaman we I actually stay in touch with her. I reach out to her like once a week, I look at the sun thank the sun for life. And then I sent her a picture and thank her for what she's done for us. But with that, every year since my mom's passed away, we go out of town, July 13, which is the day that she died. And we spend time with family. So my stepdad on my mom's side, right, straight boys and my stepdads three kids, and then their families all get together. Normally I've gone to Hawaii, but this year we went ended up going to Costa Rica. And Tony while he was out there. I ended up reaching out and finding a teacher who does breathwork meditation. And he met up and when the room for an hour, two hours, something like that. And they did really really intense breath work and through that you can find a lot of healing, right? It's just like a muscle, right? In order to build the muscle you have to tear down first. Right and a lot of people don't want to go through the struggle so then they don't get next level. But Tony has been a very good example of especially this last year, I mean after the I'm going kind of back again after the shaman that we met up And in January or March, you went on a 90 day. It's called 90 Day hard where he works out twice a day. Oh, yeah. One of the morning was 75 or 75. And he cuts out alcohol.

Tony  20:13

Two workouts a day. I'll explain it real quick two workouts a day, both of them have to be 45 minutes. One has to be outside gallon of water a day. You're on a diet, no cheat days, you also have to weigh yourself. Take up progress pick, you have to read 10 pages a day. I'm missing something. But if you miss one of those, you have to start. Oh, I've heard that. Yeah. Tony, finish it. Oh, it's you know, it's hard.

Ricky  20:43

And that's just an example that all of us can do it. He's no different than me. Right? And I don't compare. Okay, so get that clear. He's looking at how great he looks. It's phenomenal. Okay, my muscles are flat and his are inflated. But that's the thing where you just gotta love yourself, right? And your choices. But Tony, Tony's, when he was out there did a lot of breath work and stuff. And I had the opportunity to talk to her for about five minutes. haven't talked to her since. But just watching what it's doing with Tony is absolutely incredible. I just wanted to speak on that, because you said that you were working with somebody from Costa Rica. And it developed through us going out there for mom. Right? And memory, remembering who she is and, and getting together as a family and, and you chose to you know, and that's awesome. You stayed in contact with her? Yeah, yeah, he take a breath.

Tony  21:39

So that's a little bit of what I went through, and kind of how I've overcome and I'm continuing to overcome it, I, I've accepted my faults, I've accepted all the bad decisions I've ever made. I apologize to anybody out there that I've hurt. That's just where I was, you know, during that time, and all we can do as human beings is improve, all we can do is accept that we're human, that, you know, you don't get a blueprint of life, you don't get an instruction manual on how to navigate life. Right? It's all up to each one of us to make those decisions to try and improve and try to find the happiness and love. My mom was the most loving and giving person. And that was taken away at a young age during a hard time. And this universe is so massive, I always compare the universe there's more grains of sand, or there's more stars in the sky than there are grains of sand on Earth. And then I look internally at microbiology, and how small those micro organisms are. And I compare that to stars. And so if we can't even explain the vastness of that, how can we explain consciousness? How can we explain or understand how this world works? But it does, we're all connected, we're all different vibrations and wavelengths that are intermingled and connected to each other. So if we can learn how to increase our wavelength, if we can increase our vibrations and our frequency, then you're living in a higher state of consciousness where you're more love, you know, you've more so tone to a higher vibration is what kind of emotion love happiness was enlightenment? What's the lowest vibration? Fear? Actually, I'll tell you right now. It's on my home screen. Yeah, actually, yeah, fear. Depression, low. Beta is like shame, guilt, apathy, grief, fear, and theta. And delta is where your love joy, peace, enlightenment. It's, it's a spectrum. Right? And you can't just jump from here to here. overnight. It takes time. And depending on how much tragedy you've gone through, and how much work you did during that tragedy, or where your mentality is during that tragedy. Depends on where you are in that spectrum. But every morning, we all have a choice. On what type of day we're going to live. The first half an hour of your day is the most important and the last half an hour of your day is the most important. The last thought you think of when you go to sleep is the first thought you think of when you wake up. And so if you take those times the half an hour when you wake up and a half an hour before you go to bed, and just get to know yourself and understand your thought processes. And then pick and choose what type of life you want to live that day. Right Stop. Stop trying to live tomorrow and stop trying to remember yesterday, live today, live this moment. And if you can live in the moment Every single day, then you're truly living your life. You know, I don't know what's going to happen. The next year I, one big thing that I'm really, really focused on, and I truly believe that's going to happen is we will make a million dollars by December 1 of 2023. And that million dollars we're gonna give away. And I know what's going to happen. And we're going to be able to bless other people and give them the opportunity to pursue their dreams or be able to take time away from, you know, trading their, their life, their time for money, and possibly being able to have a fresh start, you know, and be able to help the causes that we want. And, yeah, it all comes from your mind, your mind runs your body. But a lot of the times, most people let their body run their mind are on autopilot. They're in the matrix, they're stuck in the matrix.

Ricky  25:56

You ever drive home from work, and you're like, how did I get here? Yeah, that's been stuck in the matrix. Well, you can for sure. And I love that you're speaking on the sunny, because I just, I'll say it again, you're a great and prime example of what dedication and hard work and focus can do to somebody and their mind and their ability. You know, I remember you two years ago, when you weren't talking like this, your emotions were more reactive than proactive, right? And, dude, I just love hearing you talk. I tell you all that you are wise, for your age, you're 30 years old, but you're like, maybe you should have. Because you're acting like gamble.

Marlena  26:38

I know. Because I'm sitting here and I'm like, I can listen to you talk all day. Yeah, yeah, you have

Ricky  26:43

so much that you can only give what you have and what you've done internally, you're now having an opportunity to

Tony  26:50

speak and so keep going, bro. This is just the beginning. And all of this information came from other people. That's the beautiful thing. I'm just like, the words that come out of my mouth are just an accumulation of other people's thoughts, other people's processes, other people working through their own issues. You know, and I still have my days. I'm not perfect. I don't meditate. I meditate every day. But I'm getting better. And they're getting longer. And they're getting deeper. You know, which is awesome. It's fun. Since a lot of fun things right. Have I told you that your your handsome look in your today, man. I literally think Ricky is the funniest person on earth. And I'm so grateful to have him as a twin because I get to experience a movie 24/7 a comedy show.

Ricky  27:45

I'll say it, man. It's awesome. Yeah, to enjoy the rat.

Jamie  27:49

Has it been the same for you, Ricky? I mean, as far as well, I know. Tony is talking about what he's used for, you know, therapy, and oh, yeah, mine started. And obviously, what I mean, it sounds like you guys have been on the same journeys and you know, the shaman and

Ricky  28:09

same journey different times. Yeah, mine came a lot earlier. To be honest. Yeah, no, I was. I was 17 years old mom got sick. When she came home for two days from Desert Spring, she left all her pills at home and went back to the hospital and me just trying it you know, at home, I would say so. You know, Percocet, tried to eventually, you know, there was a lot there, right? Like, you know, she was in extreme pain. So there's multiple things there was Percocet, Lortabs and oxys. I didn't really do oxy. I don't like Phil knew that. But I started with like, half 10s I don't know if you guys know anything about pills, but I so 10s are the spectrum. They go to point 557 point 510. Right. Turns out I started with half of a pill. And maybe like once a week twice, we just trying it out. And then eventually it just kind of became habit I drink and then you know, I like feeling chillin. And there was actually one time where I took two and a half 10s Tony found me I was white. And do you remember that? I was laying anyway, I do. And I don't I was very good at hiding stuff. I grew up with two split parents. So I was very, very, I'm still very good at hiding things, but I don't like lying. So. But I was very good at hiding things and faking stuff. Long story short, through meeting care of mom and being her full time caregiver at the end. I would take her pills, you know, and I eventually started taking 210. So one time, I would write down that she was taking them when she was sick, but I was really taking them and there was times that she would want them and need them. And she'd be telling my stepdad Richard that she didn't take them and she couldn't take them because on the paper, it said that she had already done it, but I was doing it. And Marlena, her sister Teresa actually got blamed for it. And then when my mom passed, about three months later, I came up and brought it up to everybody. And I said that I did it. And I don't I don't feel it's my journey. Right. You know, like, I, I don't want to hurt people. I didn't do it to hurt people. Right? I do feel bad and a little bit guilty of that, but bad and guilty, lower vibrations and mindmint. Right, like, where are we trying to go? You know, and if other people are judging me, we'll turn around, right. I have been forgiven. I've talked to my mom, I've, you know, talked to Teresa. I've talked to my stepdad. It's something that is part of my journey, right. But yeah, I did Percocet, more tabs for about seven years, started slow. And then at the end, when my mom died, there was fentanyl, which is huge now, very dangerous. My mom had fentanyl patches. And the first time I put it on, I felt like I was like an eau de so I took it off. I couldn't enforce and I'd put 1/4 on Kimi high for 20 hours. And this was the year after she died. Right. I went through shores and you know, coping in my own way. And then yeah, and then so she died in 2013 got married in 2014. And then my wife and I split up 2015 beer that we split up all of a sudden, you know, now now more into Coke. I popped Molly, about 15 times and I'd in the middle of the night, I would go down to the cemetery, I take them all they go down the cemetery right next to my house. And I'd be there for three hours talking to my mom, right? And crying and you know, all that emotion, a lot of people do it to feel good. I felt I did it to feel a connection. I did mushrooms 1520 times and all of it has been very spiritual, very trying to figure out trying to understand more. But at some point, right around February of 2016 I had an opportunity to change my life and I met my buddy Roger

Tony  32:25

at the gym.

Ricky  32:27

And I loved his vision and what he's trying to do. And he said, Hey, if you don't lie to me, or you know steal from me, or or, you know, basically be deceiving, I'll help you. That day I went home and I had Percocet. Lortab Zandi, Molly Roxies, I had coke, a bottle of wine, beer in the fridge, I took all that and threw it away. And cold turkey, cut everything off. And just say Tony started developing, reading, meditating, self talk, affirmations. And just understanding and moving forward, and within six months of me and Roger, Nikki and I got back together and renewed our vows. We never finalized the divorce, we split up, but Nikki thought I put all the papers and you know, me, you know, I'm committed. So I kept it in the backseat of the car, and then everything kind of got dropped, but we renewed our vows. And now, you know, in the mornings, me and my daughter, we look at the mirror and we go I love you, I'm proud of you. I'm strong, I'm ambitious. I love myself, you know, and having a daughter, the number one thing for me is for her to value herself and not look at others to find value within, but to elevate. Right. Growing up, I always looked at women and and mine was in relationships. And so I sex a lot of different girls, right? And what that does is it deteriorates the person that you are in my example, right? Because if they're not around then who are you? Because you don't love yourself? You just find it and then somebody else. But yeah, that's my journey, you know? And I never really like I never felt like shameful. I just always like remember, like, like, What would Jesus do? Like, I don't that was that's always been a saying I tried to go down the road of being a Christian and really, truly believe it, but I couldn't commit to that, because I don't believe 100% of that. But the person that he is he didn't judge he hung around prostitutes, you know, it's like, you didn't shame them. Same thing, what Tony's talking about, like, stop shaming. It's coming from a bad place because you're in a bad place like, you know, and I always I remember that and thought about that. So, you know, if I'm doing it to myself that I'm going to be doing it to others and I don't want to do to others, so I don't do it to myself. I forgive, forget, not forget, but forgive and manage. Just try to live with love. It's an experience. You know, what? What happened to you while I was overseas?

Tony  35:21

Oh, that one. Okay,

Ricky  35:25

so I was in Hawaii, I was staying at my my sister's house. And I had brought like four or five Molly's out there. So I'm here with like, a bunch of pills that I thought I was going to share with people and nobody wants to do it. So I ended up doing one. I was at a bonfire on the beach, and just chillin and I did one. Anyway, let's come into like the day before the last day. And I'm like, Okay, well, I got these films, I brought them out here. Like, I gotta use them. And so I took one, nobody else wanted to take them. So I took another one. I ended up climbing up super steep, steep hill into the mountains. Right behind Oahu, Honolulu. And, like pass a speed bump. And I'm keep going in it's oh my gosh, is so beautiful. Like, it's like, tree houses, almost like like the houses is so dense and forest, right that the House has like a walkway behind the house that connects to other houses and their shoes. And I'm like, in awe. And then all of a sudden here comes, you know, a truck. It's like a, I don't know, like two door truck. And it's security. And he's like, you can't be here. And you know, I'm tripping on wall and I'm like, okay, and immediately without thinking, you know, I'm FaceTime and Tony through this whole thing. I'm up. He's overseas in Iraq come in is he's in Iraq, and I'm FaceTiming him through this whole thing. And, and the guy's like, you can't be up here. So I have my skateboard. I flip flops of headphones on my phone. I'm like, oh, like not thinking I jump on my skateboard. And all of a sudden, within like, five seconds, I'm going fast. I'm like crap, you know? And then I'm like talking to Zoe, I'm like, dude, like, I'm going really fast. And I'm thinking in my mind, I remember that speed bump that I was walking up, I'm like, I'm gonna crash no matter what. And so I'm going on like, dude, I'm gonna crash. And so I'm like, Okay, I'm gonna go for it. And I like just fall, you know, and I had scratches my whole side, I remember falling asleep, waking up, the shoots are stuck to me, you know, my flip flops, my phone were everywhere and stuff like that. And I've had a lot of experiences, not that bad, but just I tend to learn the hard way push boundaries a lot. But it taught me something, you know, and I wasn't in a good state and dealing with mom's death, you know, obviously, that has a huge play. She, she was everything I tried to do is try to be more like her, you know. And with that gone, it does play with who you are. And the decisions that you make tragedy in general. But yeah, coming after that, you know, slow down. And then Nikki and I split up. Actually, that was the year that Nick and I split up, which I have another mentor. We were we're in Lahaina, Maui, which this is this is one of the good ones okay? We're in Lahaina where we spread my mom's ashes. That was a super cool experience. We all of us kids, Richard, my stepdad went a mile off. Were on Kayak Scott in a circle dropped her ashes and came back and did a whole prayer. So right in that area. I brought Molly again with me. Oh, boy, right. Everybody was sleeping. And there was a pool and infinity pool. So the house is right here and the pool edge is often I know it's a Lani County, so are the island that's right behind behind. Anyway, it's overlooking it. There's two different tiki torches. Okay, I pop Molly and again, a lot of when I do those things, especially as I gotten older, I searching right. Anyway, I started talking to my mom, you know, I'm holding my breath underwater, different things. Obviously, I have no idea what I'm doing. I just believe them. But I started talking to my mom, the stars were so gorgeous. And all of a sudden as I was talking to her, the flames face towards each other. When they go towards each other and I'm talking to her and I'm like whoa, and then all of a sudden like maybe 1015 seconds later they go back and they stay there. It's just experiences like that where it just helps me believe and have faith that there is more rain. I fill in the wind. You know I told Tony about that and Tony now filter in the wind Yeah. focuses right if you believe you'll see 100% I feel like in the wind I Um, the year that she passed away, we were opening up Chinese food. And on the fortune it said, remember three months from this date your lucky stars shining three months from the day that I opened. It was my mom's birthday. I have the fortune right here in my closet. Like, let me think, you know. So, again, instead of it being a lifetime, it's, I mean, we're a lot further, right. Yeah.

Marlena  40:24

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of a witch, a mystic and a feminist. Tune in next Tuesday for the final episode in this series with the salty twins as we talk a little bit more about the salty twins the brand