Youthful Perspectives on Spirituality and Healing

SPEAKERS

Marlena, Lex, Katie

Marlena  

Welcome to a witch, a mystic and a feminist. I am your host Marlena and I am here with two of my favorite young adults. One of them I've spoken about frequently on this podcast. This is my child they introduce themselves as Lexie, they were born Alexis, but to me, they will always be my bear. So we have Alexis and their best friend Katie. Kids. Welcome. And sorry, I called you kids by I know that you guys are young adults. So thank you so much for being on the show. Lex. I know that you and I, we've discussed frequently you coming on the show. And today you're kind of saving my ass because I needed to pivot a little bit. And I went running into your room saying I don't know what to do. And you said, Oh, well, Katie, and I can be on tomorrow. So thank you. So we're going to discuss a little bit about your guys's spiritual awakenings and spiritual awakenings from a young person's perspective, a young adult's perspective because for me, I just recently went through my spiritual awakening, and of course, still going through my spiritual journey but went through my spiritual awakening just a couple years ago. And then lakhs I know that you have had gifts since you were basically born. So we'll go into that a little bit as well. But why don't you both introduce yourselves? We'll start with Lex.

Lex  

Hi, I'm Lexi? I'm her kid. I don't know what to say, you  gave birth to me. 

Katie  

Hi, I'm Katie. I met Lexi like, about four years ago, five years ago. And we weren't exactly close. And I feel like it kind of was like me being in a really dark time. And like, kind of like leaning into my spirituality. And like both of us leaning in at towards the same time, but doing it our separate ways. And we weren't even aware that it was happening. Like, at the same time, it was so weird because like, we were going down the same path of like, okay, like, traditional therapy isn't exactly helping, right? And we're in a place of like, deep hurt. And like, we knew that we had each other but like, it was never really a conversation between us. And then after the fact of like, us being like, Okay, we need to ground ourselves and like heal in a way that's actually gonna help us wasn't we were able to like, talk about it and be like, oh, like you did the same day. Like, that's crazy. Like, yeah, so here I am today on your podcast.

Marlena  

Well, I love that. So for everybody, I met Katie, on Thanksgiving. Do you guys want to like kind of go into that a little bit? Because that's when your guys's friendship really blossomed?

Katie  

Yes, at the time. You know, Alexis knew each other. But we were not close. We were always like school friends, but then COVID hit. And it was really hard. Because, you know, being in person, like having that connection, like face to face is like always been what I've leaned towards. And like when I was like, oh, shoot, like, I have to like call and like, text, my friends in order to connect with them. And none of us could see each other. It was really hard to like, have that like, same like friendship than I did before. COVID. And I had a family death. And it was really hard. And I'd reached out to my friends and they'd kind of ghosted me, they had all like, you know, I've been involved in their own things and struggling in their own ways, and spending a lot of their time like doing other activities that they really liked gaming. And that's not something I really connected them like with on. My mom was still in Utah, dealing with the death. And she was in the process of dying. She wasn't dead yet. When I had planned to go over to Lexi's house, but it was on my birthday that she passed away in 2020. And my mom had stayed in Utah to help plan the funeral. And at the time, I had already posted previously, like, oh, like, does anyone have Thanksgiving plans that you know, maybe need an extra person? Like, honestly, jokingly, because I didn't expect anyone to be like, Oh, it's COVID. And you can just come over to my family's house to have Thanksgiving because what psycho would do that like? Oh, yeah, you can just come over. I don't know you and my family doesn't know you. And it's Thanksgiving. But come on over. But Alexis did and she was the only one that reached out. She was the only one that I like, checked in on me and was like, Oh, come over. And like she made sure like she followed up on the plan. She was like, you're coming right? And I was like, yeah, like I'll be there. Like I don't have Thanksgiving plans. And then ever since then we were like inseparable. We spent like days at a time together.

Marlena  

And you've spent every Thanksgiving with us since so I love ya. But, but that's when I got to first meet you. And I remember Lex was just like, hey, mom. My friend doesn't have anywhere to go. And you guys had went as a group to homecoming together, you and a group of friends. I think it was the year before or or was it? It was a year before. Yeah. And so Lex was just like, it's Katie. And you know, showed me the picture from homecoming and who you were, and just said, they don't have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving. And Vince, Lexus dad was just like, okay, hold on, definitely needs to come over, definitely come over. And I know that that was also deep in the middle of COVID. At that time, two of our family members that were supposed to come over, we're unsure if they had COVID Or not took a COVID test, you guys ended up dropping food off to them at the hotel that they were staying at because they were quarantining until, until they got the test results, which was actually later that day, and then everybody came over. And when I say everybody, I'm talking about just two of those people. And for other people, all family. Yeah, we broke quarantine rules. But you came over as well. And you know, it was just great. We ate we play games, it was actually a really good time, and that we weren't able to see really anybody. And we had a small gathering. And that was pretty cool. And really enjoyed meeting you at that time. And also, you know, from then until now watching your guys's friendship blossom, and the growth that both of you have had since then, so why don't we go into a little bit about you were talking about how traditional talk therapy wasn't working for you. And so this is for both of you, you know, what did you find wasn't working for you.

Katie  

Um, so originally talk therapy, like, was working for me years prior, I had like a lot of like, unresolved childhood trauma, like with my parents being divorced, was very messy. And so I had gone to talk therapy, and I had gotten done the whole like psychiatrist, and the antidepressants and the anti anxiety medicine and the stabilizers and all all of the above everything they could give me, they gave it to me, they're like you were 13. And you can have all of these cocktail of pills. And I'm like, Okay, sounds good to me.

Marlena  

And because as a kid, you don't know better, right?.

Katie  

Yeah, Right. And over time, it just made me feel worse. And I'd kind of like numbed out and like, had been very irritable. And my therapist was like, well, it's better than being depressed and wanting to kill yourself. So just keep on keeping on. And I was like, Okay, I'm never coming back to again, because horrible.

Marlena  

yeah, that's like the shittiest advice.

Katie  

He was like, Well, you don't want to kill yourself. Right? And I was like, Well, I mean, no, but I don't feel anything. And he was like, well, that's okay. Sometimes we see that in patients. And I was like, Okay, I don't like that. So I'm just gonna stop taking them. And I tried horse therapy, whatever, I would go out. Okay, so I there's a word for as soon as called, like supine therapy, or something like that. I may have butchered that. But you go out, at least for me, my insurance covered it. So I had Kizer. So it's definitely worth looking into. Because that helped a lot. And I was doing that before COVID. And I would go out to a ranch and I tack up the horses, groom them braid their hair, like give them a little snack. So we go out for a ride. And I'd go out with like a counselor. She wasn't like exactly like a therapist, but she was a school counselor. And on her off time, she had a ranch and she was licensed to be a horse therapist. And my little sister did it. And my mom did it. Sometimes we do group sessions. Sometimes it just be me. But we'd go out and like the hills of Livermore, and just ride and talk and it was really great. And it helped until COVID. And then I wasn't able to do it anymore. So then I was left alone, like completely alone. Like there was no horse therapy. There was no talk therapy. There was no friends I could go to and like when COVID hit I got COVID Like when we went into lockdown I was sick from was two months. Oh, wow. And like, yeah, extremely.

Marlena  

How do I not know that?

Lex  

I also didn't know that.

Katie  

I got COVID Three times. Yeah. So I was in Disneyland the week before COVID. And when they had announced Okay, on Friday, we're going to go on a two week lockdown. I was coming home from Disneyland on Thursday. So I was like, or maybe it was on Wednesday. It was on Wednesday. And I was like oh no like I get one Last day school left and then or two days last date to last days of school. And then we'll go for a vacation for two weeks. That's fun. And my sister wasn't feeling well when we were in Disneyland, okay. And then my dad started not feeling well, and me and my mom were fine. And I didn't even hear of COVID at the time, I was like, I literally have no idea what's going on. And I got home. And then my mom got sick. And then I heard that we were going into lockdown. And I was like, locked down for what? And I was like, oh, shoot, let me go stay at a friend's house because I don't want to get COVID I didn't know at the time. If you're exposed. Sometimes it takes a while for symptoms to show up. So I was sick. I just wasn't showing symptoms yet. So I had gone to school on Thursday, and I'm supposed to go on school on Friday and I woke up so sick so ill I couldn't even drive home from my friend's house. My my friend at the time had to drive me home. And from then on, like locked down hit and I was just sick for two months. Like, had to sleep sitting up could not spell anything could not taste anything. My mom had like liquid in her lungs. Oh, wow. Yeah. If she got extremely sick, she stayed being sick. And like the lingering effects, like stayed there for months, right? Um, thankfully, like, I recovered, like, pretty quickly, but I was like, it felt like you had the flu. Combined with like, allergies. on steroids. Yeah, for two months.

Marlena  

Wow. I didn't even know that you went through that. I'm so sorry. Yeah, no, no, because I mean, you were there for bear when, when their dad went into the hospital and had COVID. And, you know, that was, I know, that was scary for us. And then when I had COVID, it was, like he said, similar to the flu. And this was after, like the whole Delta virus. And this was, I think, just last year, but it sucked. Nothing like what it was before. And so you had one of the first Yeah, versions of the virus, I guess. Is your mom. Okay, now,

Katie  

my mom's okay. Yeah, everyone's okay. There was no like, long, long term like now it's been two years and she's good. But it did like linger for a while,

Marlena  

right. Because I know for Vince's, it lingered with him for a while. And then there were also weird things that ended up happening because of some of the treatment that he had. So is that about the time that you think you are going through maybe your spiritual awakening? Or like, was that the catalyst for you? Or do you think that it was prior to that?

Katie  

I think it was around the time that I did meet Alexi or not meet but like, you get introduced to like her family or their family and get closer to them. Like, it definitely took like losing my first family member. Like that was the first time I ever dealt with a death, okay. And I had kind of an existential crisis where I'm like, Oh, my gosh, they can be there one day and like gone the next and my aunt at the time was alcoholic, and she had been like, slowly like killing herself by drinking so much. And my she was living with my grandma. My grandma never reached out to anyone until my grandma was told that she had about two months left to live. So no one knew anything. The whole family did not know anything. We'd always thought oh, that's just April. And that's just how she is. And you know, sometimes she drinks a little too much. But we'd never like knew like how bad it was. By the time we'd got there. Like she was already bedridden. Like her stomach was bloated. She was very, very skinny. And it was just so scary. Like watching someone that I had grown up with, like gone to her house every summer. Just do that to themselves. And having to like register in my mind, like, Oh, you're not going to see them next holiday, you're not going to go to her house next summer and get made nice, I'll feel better to be like, Oh, she's just on an extended vacation. And I couldn't sit with the fact that she had passed away. And I couldn't go to her funeral. Because I literally like did not get out of bed. I could not I was like, and then I started getting horrible nightmares. Sleep paralysis. I don't know if I've ever experienced that before. But at that time, like when I was alone at my house, my little sister and my mom had stayed in Utah when she passed so like it was just me and my dad. And I just remember having like the worst nightmares, like not being able to sleep and like not being able to get out of bed or just being like so scared that like I could lose anyone and it was like a month later I ended up having thing my great uncle passed away. And then a month after that I had my great grandma passed away, literally, like a month apart from each other. So like calling into work, they're like another family member passed away and like, I am so sorry. Like I like, I don't know what to tell you, right? So it was at that point that I was like, I need to help myself. And like, find something that's like bringing me peace. And I started like, meditating and doing yoga. Kind of like researching crystals and like the healing properties. And that helped a lot. And my mom had always been into that. And but I was like, they're just rocks. And then now I'm like, oh, okay, so I wear rose quartz and Amethyst all time.

Marlena  

I love that. Well, I love that you were able to find something to help you deal with the pain pits funny. You say? They're just rocks and Bear Bear. I had a number of crystals and stuff. And I'm like, why are all these rocks in my house? And this was, you know, prior to my awakening? Like, why are all these rocks in my house? So I totally get that what you were feeling at that time? Bear? Do you want to discuss a little bit about your awakening at all or?

Lex  

Sure. So it was also around like when a lockdown hit a couple of months before I got you know, do I say? Am I allowed to say don't

Marlena  

go ahead? Yeah, sorry. I was gonna say, you can talk about whatever you want to talk about. And you don't have to discuss whatever you don't want to discuss. Okay.

Lex  

All right. Um, so, a couple of months before lockdown. I got assaulted by like to have my friends, right. And I was in just this really bad state of depression. And I kind of just really, like felt like shit lockdown hit. And I'm just like, oh, no, I kind of just thought like, what can I do to be better? What can I do to get out of this mindset, they don't deserve the me that I was. And they will never deserve the me that I am becoming right. And I just want it to be someone that they'll never be able to touch or get in contact with again. So I guess like, my healing is kinda like trauma base, and like, growing to heal, and like, kind of step away from all of the hate. Right? So yeah. And then I just kind of did my thing.

Marlena  

So it all elaborate a little bit as well, you know, during that time, and I had mentioned and I never explained, you know, because it's not my story to talk about, it's, it's yours. By after the assault took place. I would sleep on the couch. And I think we did that for about six months, right? Where I would sleep on the couch, and then about one o'clock in the morning, you would come out and sleep there. That's when you would actually get some sleep. Right? Yeah. You didn't want to be in your room alone.

Lex  

No, it was, oh, no, it was a really, really like dark time. And I'd rather like you know what I mean? They kind of just like, avoided,

Marlena  

right? But you know, sometimes avoiding doesn't work. And so we had put you had to talk therapy, which also wasn't helpful for you. They put you on a bunch of pills and just continued to increase the dosage which made you feel worse, right? I was

Lex  

very angry, right, like, all the time. And there's like, I was either like really, like numb and empty. Or I was just fucking angry and there was no in between there is no other like feelings or emotions. So I either like just didn't care or I will get on everyone's asks about everything. Right? Yeah.

Marlena  

Um, and so since then, you you've stepped away from talk therapy. You stepped away from big pharma pharmaceuticals. And you've been doing a different type of healing with with the healer, you've been doing some Reiki and some a different type of I mean, still somewhat talk therapy, but more spiritual based, I guess with Reiki and tarot readings and things like that. Has that been helping you?

Lex  

Oh, absolutely. I was just with her the other day. And we were, we were discussing some of the things that have happened before and I was sobbing to her. And I was like, damn, like, this is really cringe. Like why am I crying? I hate and she had, she was like, no, like, I'm getting chills like what you're doing is really gonna help you. And it's like, it's kind of hard to like realize that what I went through wasn't normal, nor was it okay. And then like literally after that I went to cavies house and I cried in her arms for a bit.

Marlena  

Well, that's what best friends do. That's what best friends are for. So let's switch gears a little bit. I'm gonna poke at Lex a little bit. So we discussed or I mentioned in the intro, how you have gifts and you have since you were a baby, and do you want to go into that a little bit?

Lex  

Okay, so when I was a kid, one of my first like, vivid memories is me walking past my room at the old house and seeing just this lady on my bed. Like I thought I was like, a real person. I literally, I remember myself like peeking at like the corner of my eye. Stop, like literally back up. Hello slowly and like kind of look, and she wasn't there. And I was like, Huh, that's weird. Do you mind I was like, four. And I continue. Just like walking away. It was just like, okay, my imagination is crazy. But like, I don't think that was my imagination. I saw her. I know, that was one of my first like, vivid memories. And like, I couldn't just like dipped after that. And then now I see more like shadow people. And I'm seeing like a lot of figures just around me being darker than the rest of my room. And I'm just like, hi, Can y'all not touch my shit? My room is already a mess. Don't mess it up more.

Marlena  

Have you discuss that with your healer? The shadow people? No, I

Lex  

kind of I'm kind of just used to them? Um,

Marlena  

no, no, but just kind of curious. Maybe? Maybe that should be something. You discuss it? I mean, does it Does it scare you a little bit?

Lex  

I have like, little fairy lights in my room. Because I can't sleep in the dark. Right? Because there's just there's just so many. There'll be like from one to like five at a time. And I'm just like, Huh, that's a little weird. I kind of wow. Yeah, like kind of too close. Yeah, I'm kind of used to it. As long as I keep something on

Marlena  

my first memory of you. Seeing something was actually it had to do with your Lolo with daddy's dad. And yeah, you were still like I would put you in the playpen, small kind of thing. And so I want to say you were about maybe one, maybe a little bit younger, but still walking. You started walking at nine months. So but I remember you would walk over, we had a fireplace. Yes. But hey, we wish we had a fireplace and you would walk over there. And there was a picture of Lolo in the Navy and above the fireplace. And you would walk over there. And then all of a sudden you would start hugging yourself or hugging you know, whatever was there and the picture of Lolo in the Navy, he was young, probably 20s. Looking at the picture right now, early 20s Maybe. And then when he passed, he was in his 60s. And I remember Dad and I had put it on the video of Lolos last Christmas. And you were in your playpen, and you looked at the TV. And keep in mind that at that time he was I want to say 62 Um, you looked at the TV, you looked at the picture, you looked at the TV, you started jumping up and down, you looked at the at the picture again, and just started screaming like in excitement, like you knew you knew who it was. And so every time you would walk over to the fireplace and give a hug at that point, that's when I actually knew that it was daddy's dad. And then also weird things happened in that place too. And you don't remember this house, but it was two stories. And there was a ceiling fan. And you had to actually go upstairs into the loft to turn on the fan. And that thing would start going by itself all the time. And I was like, What is going on? And so I'd run upstairs to go turn it off. And it was already off and then it starts slowing down again. It was like so little scary. But you know, those were my first experience just to touch. You know? Well with Lolo. I knew that that was him, you know because he had just passed away a year before you were born. And you were his first grandchild so I knew that that was him and that doesn't scare me. Like you know, family members can come and visit anytime they wish. You know and then My cousin passed away, it was a couple of days before your first birthday. And I remember I got you this rocking snail for your birthday. And if you squeeze the antenna, it would sing, You are my sunshine. And then a couple of days later was his funeral. And they saying You are my sunshine on his funeral for his son. And then a few days later, it's the middle of the night, I had the baby monitor in your room, and all of a sudden, I hear the snail going off with You Are My Sunshine. So I go into your room, and you are dead asleep, like head sweating, eyes rolled in the back, your head drooling, you know, dead asleep, but this thing is going off. So you know, again, family members can come and visit at any time. The one thing I don't like is when things start going off that don't make sense and can kind of frighten me a little bit. But you know, deal with that. But that's when I going back to you hugging around the fireplace, that's when I first recognize that you were able to see things. And then you would tell me like, you're like there's a lady in the house. And I was like, I'm sorry. There's a lady in my room. And I'm like, Okay, show me. And you're like, Well, I don't see her anymore. But she was right there. And I was like, Okay, and so then I would go and talk to dad and be like, is that like an imaginary friend is that and he was like, Nope, don't tell the kid, you know that. That's their imagination. She may be seeing something, she at the time, she may be seeing something that we maybe cannot see. So that's when I first recognized when you had stuff going on? Um, do you want to talk about how you almost broke down the house? I told that story.

Lex  

And I'll do it again.

Marlena  

So what were you doing? It was when we moved.

Lex  

I was doing spells. I was being a little witch.

Marlena  

Okay, what kind of spell were you doing? Do you remember? And it's okay, if you don't, because I mean, that was probably three years ago. So you may not know what spell you were doing. All I know is the alarm is going off. The alarm is going off. And I'm downstairs and it was the alarm in Lexi's room. And I hear the alarm going off, but I was like we had just moved in. And I was like what is that sound? And I thought that maybe it was the washing machine or the dryer. And then all of a sudden I was like holy shit that's a fire alarm. So I go booking upstairs and Alexis is there trying to wave out the smoke away from the fire alarm with the window open the fan on in Yeah, you almost burned down the house doing with with handle this

Lex  

time? Yeah, so I had a candle. And it had like little things on it like little woods, and like little like trinkets and like little like crystals. So I liked that right. And all of a sudden went to one of the woods catch on fire. And then another one is on fire. And I was like, Okay, it's full time.

Katie  

She has a bonfire in her room, and she was like this looks right. Time to proceed. I remember that. I remember her calling you the next day and being like, I can't have candles anymore.

Marlena  

I told Vince took all the candles out of the kid's room was like, I know, but I remember. I was like, and this was again before my awakening before I started like dabbling a little more into witchcraft and things like that. I asked Vince I was like, oh fuck was she doing? Why was she up there doing spells? Like what the fuck is says? He was like, well, she was doing it because she thinks she can. And I was like, is that something that we want? And he was like, Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. And I was just like, you know, judging like judge person. I'm like, Who the fuck did I marry? Who the fuck did I raised? Like, I don't even know what's going on here. Got a kid lighting my house on fire. husband's just like, Oh no, it's fine. I was just like, I'm a mom. But then when I got unmuffled and started getting interested in tarot and stuff like that, I didn't know that you had a shit ton of tarot decks. Yeah, I know child my child. Yeah,

Lex  

I had a lot and I still have some and most of them are in the little case now. For you to tap into. Yes,

Marlena  

we have a bunch of tarot decks. Do you still do Taro? I know how I saw a deck in your room. I

Lex  

know how I just don't do it often.

Marlena  

What is your vibe like if Tara's not your vibe? What is it that you're into?

Lex  

I can see go Who's?

Marlena  

Oh, and you can see all right, yeah.

Lex  

So when I was a kid, I remember, like watching the talent show, there's like this girl on the stage. And she was, she was singing or whatever. I was kind of just watching because I was like, oh my god, I'm at a class. Correct. And so I was just watching, I was watching like this. And then I like looked away for like, half a second. And her like, silhouette was entirely green. And I looked at that, and I remember thinking, why is she green? At that point? Like, I, I didn't know what it was, I was just like, damn, like, my eyes really are playing tricks on me at my, my age. I'm like, five, like, I was really confused. And then I kind of just ignored that for like, a while I've, I've always been able to, like, kind of see them. I'll know what they really mean. I've always been able to see them.

Marlena  

What's my aura colors?

Lex  

Um, I'm not mistaken. A lot of the time you're like blue, like a light blue. But then again, I really don't be looking till I be like, look in. You know, I don't pay attention.

Marlena  

Katie, do you have any spiritual gifts that you know of? Or that you've been working on?

Katie  

Not that I know of? I've never like really been able to like, see or talk to ghosts. I have lived in a house that was haunted. But that's very different than Oh, I saw like a ghost in my bedroom. But there's been times where I've been around Lexie and like with them, like, I remember picking up a cat plushie in their room and being like, what's this? Or they're like, Oh, that's my that's my little ghost friends like, cat. I was like, What do you mean, Chad and their light starts flickering.

Marlena  

Yeah, Chad's little cats. And then the lights

Katie  

flickering. But now I'm like, What's this? And the moment I pick up the cat, the light starts flickering. Lexi's like oh, that's just Chad's cat light still flickering. I'm like, What do you mean? Chad's cat? Who the fuck is Chad? Like? What are you talking about? And they explain and when they stop the light stops. They're like, Oh, yeah, but that's Chad. I put the cat down light stop flickering on like the heck

Marlena  

Wow. Bairbre Have you seen Chadli though? I

Lex  

don't really go upstairs any mainly like, stays upstairs until he can tell that I'm like, really, really sad. And lately? I haven't really been sad. I've been just kind of anxious, so I won't. Okay, Cole wants his cat so bad. And every time I'm just like, No, no, no, absolutely not. You can have any other plushie here. You're not taking this cat. I miss Chad. What a little cutie.

Marlena  

And so he's in the upstairs closet. Right. And you and I have switched rooms over the past years. So I should let him know that he can go down to your closet downstairs. He doesn't need to. I mean, unless he wants to. I'm fine. Yeah, he's no bother to me. It's just a little thing.

Lex  

Katie, do you know this story of how I met Chad? No shit. I'm gonna explain it right now.

Marlena  

Okay, cool, because I don't think I know the story of Chad.

Lex  

So another traumatic shit happened. I was literally in my comfy corner. So my my room upstairs was a couch with like space behind it. And like a bed on the side with like, a little table, like a little side table and like a little opening. So I can go into the little corner and it was it all had plushies right. So I was in my comfy corner, which is what I call it. I was in my coffee corner. And I was just sobbing. I was completely sobbing. And I was like shaking like really hard. And then all I see is this little kid go like this, like from the side of my couch. I kind of just like people over at me. And I went What

Marlena  

the fuck Katie on my face or like,

Lex  

keep it on me. Like, I was scared. And I was like Like, every time after I got really sad. He'll kind of just like, like, kind of like people over like, try not to be like scary, just like genuinely just like looking. See if I'm okay. And then like, I got really familiar. And I was just like, please don't scare me. Like, that's just not fun. That isn't nice, but like hi, like, I'm good. I'm okay. Thank you. Right. And then I was on the phone with like, if someone you recommended mom, and like I was talking to her. I forgot her name, but like I think you met her off Tik Tok or something. And um,

Marlena  

oh, Jen. Yes. Jen them? Yes.

Lex  

So I was on the phone with her. And I was like, yeah, like this little boy in my room. And she was like, his name is Chad. And I was like his name name is Chad. He's a little thing. She was like, oh, yeah, like he, he died like really young, like within like past 50 100 years. And I was like, oh shit like that. That's kind of recent for like a passing of a kid. Right? And I was like, oh, no, like, I wish I could talk to them. Right? And she was like you can you just need to open your like a little, like a little open close sign. You just need to like put that open.

Marlena  

Oh, yes. So I remember what you were talking about what Jen was talking about. So spirits not being able to come in during certain times, like having business hours open, an open and closed side. So you know, if spirits can't come to you, between the hours of like 9pm and 9am, the next day, but a lot of

Lex  

the time, I just keep it like, closed, because I'm like, I really don't want to do that right now. I'm chillin, I'm good. But like, right, and then she was like, he wants a cat. And I was like, I will order him a cat right now. I can't have a real cat. But like, Okay, I got you. Well, maybe what do you want?

Marlena  

Was out the time that you actually asked me? Yes, we could get a cat. And I'm like, Yeah, dude, I'm allergic.

Katie  

All for a child. For Chad.

Marlena  

Can you describe Chad to me?

Lex  

He's a little thing. So like, I'm trying to like what color hair does he had this kind of like dirty blonde, almost brown. You had a dream about him? He told me it.

Marlena  

Yeah, well, it wasn't necessarily a dream. But I remember I was meditating. And I'm not a very visual person. So when visuals do come into play, and especially the ones that are very vivid, I know that that's not me. Because I, me, I'm not visual. And so I was meditating. And I was in the meditation room that Katie is currently in right now, during this recording, but I was in the meditation room, and then all of a sudden, this kid is just right there in my vision. And It startled me because he just appeared. And then I was like, Chad, is that you? And he just smiled, and then disappeared. And I was like, I think I just saw chat. And he kind of reminded me of this very young and I don't know who the actor was, but child actor in the 80s with like this bowl haircut and this dirty blonde, darker than dirty blonde hair more brown. But you know, you could kind of see that blonde in there. Yeah, so that was that was super interesting to me.

Lex  

I miss him. He's always a good kid. He always made sure I was okay. And then

Marlena  

Katie. So you were saying you're into crystals? And working with the different crystal properties to for your own healing? Have you been doing any other things to assist in your healing these days?

Katie  

No, I wish I was more present in it. And like I definitely should revisit but sometimes it feels like I'm just moving through the motions of just waking up going to sleep waking up and like not actually being present in my day and just being there. And I definitely need to like break that cycle and like, get back into it. But like, in my mind, I'm like, Well, you're not like actively dealing with anything horrible. So you don't really need to focus on yourself, which is not a good mindset. I know.

Marlena  

We'll discuss a little my mom like that.

Katie  

Yeah, yeah, I definitely need to revisit and it's hard because no one in my family that like that I live with and they're all very much like, not open to like healing or dealing with their own trauma. And they're very, like, closed off. And like I see that with the way they interact with themselves. Like see seen it too. They're very like zero to 100 they yell a lot like the energy in the house is just feel dirty. And it's so difficult to be around them when I'm in a sensitive place. Because often times I need to like be put in the middle of things, right. But my mom recently has started going therapy like three times a week, for two hours every session, and she walked up to me the other day, and she was like, I just want to apologize for the way that I raised you and like, I'm seeing now that I did that because of my own childhood and like I know like I really set yours set you up for failure. And I just want to say that like I'm so proud of your like little successes and how well that you're doing and how far you've come but don't wait to like deal with your own stuff. Like do it now. Like don't wait because she's 56 and she's just now just now starting to like cute All and she said that like she feels like she's just been alive and not living for so many years where she has not been able to like, actually feel like the floor beneath her or be conscious of the air that she's breathing. She's just there. And I don't want to be like that. I never want to get like that. And like, I do go out and like nature and like, I meditate. And I do yoga, and I go on long, long, long hikes Like usually I don't like start feeling clear headed to like three or four miles in, and then I get out there and I'm just able to like release and like, unpack and just like I feel like I leave everything there. And I'm able to walk away from it. Yes. And that's like, so it's been so good for me nature therapy, but I haven't been Yes, yes, but I wish I was more intentional with what I have been doing.

Marlena  

Well, we can like I said, we can talk a little bit offline and discuss even just some of your hikes and stuff like that things that you can do, to be able to help yourself and not to make excuses for your mom. I know bear and I we've discussed this very recently that us as parents, we've done shitty jobs of raising new kids and not dealing with our own issues until we've gotten much older so it sucks for us as parents to to know that we've put you in that position. But I know for me personally as I look at my kid and you know we'll discuss this a little more offline not here we've already discussed that but you know, public apology for being a shitty mom. So I think so very picky. We are going to call it but I would love to have you guys back on maybe later on even as guests or guest hosts. Maybe if we have some killer guests on that interest. You have your young perspectives to help post but I would love to have you guys back on. So thank you so much for joining me on this episode helping me pivot when I was freaking out. So I love my kids. They are awesome. And we are going to sign out so thank you so much for listening to this episode of a witchy mystic and a feminist. Please go check out all of our socials Instagram, Tik Tok Facebook, and you can go to our website WMF pod.com